no sir, i'm not taking the blame...

i like unicorns.

2009-10-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

heyya, so, today . last official day for the year 12s. i'm gonna miss harassing them (:

they were basically going crazy today, haha, runnin around the place. signed phill's shirt - "i wuv you - Aly" haha. i just finished talking to him for a while. izz has a theory he might be trying to do me -.-"

dadadumm, they went to mullaz and went crazy as well -.-" &having a party tonight. now i can't wait for 3 years time .

this this this weekend ! saturday, out with the family, going over to hakim's . for . some shit . idk . haha . and and and sunday ,

scott wants to buy me ice cream at joondalup . sped . &he calls me oscar the grouch coz i apparently have a go at him every minute -.-"

i want to go in his carrr, it looks awesome, him driving i mean . he has a tendency to wake me up at night with his random texts and tells me he just got drunk 0.o

AND SOUNDWAVE 2010 ! the lineup is filled with my personal faves: mcr, paramore, escape the fate, all time low, taking back sunday etc etc.

the tickets are 150 bucks hey, but i guess it's worth it. mum gave me a yes-no answer. i was like this can be my birthday present . please .

i can't wait for december, to go back to singapore . but i can't wait for the summer holidays, i have soo many people to catch up with .

ohmygoddzxzxzxz, im hungry . okay bye i wanna eattt ! and also also watch melrose place :D

EHH ARFAH, I MISS YOU .

bye x

re-up ; i'm back (:

2009-10-22T04:20:00.000-07:00

i'll be updating soon .

i left the blog for a bit coz i couldn't be fucked .

:D

we were always meant to say goodbye.

2009-08-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

murder on the dancefloor ;

heyho [: it's thursday already. oh gosh . mmm, school has been good to me. minus all the reluctance to murder some people. jeez, i dont know why bitches even exist in the world. oh right, they make everything unbalanced and totally challenge the likes of karma. AND I DO NOT LIKE BRONTE TOUCHING LUKE. no no no. slut . no one likes her [thats technically wrong] and she touches him like they're going out but they're not. outbursts like these tend to make me contemplate on making my blog private. i never quite bothered coz i figured i talked way to much and can't help but NOT keep things in summary ' so no one reads it.

i'm listening to Zee Avi, yeah she's cool [: over the top of my grandma blending chilli and that but, good enough . anyways, recap of this week:

monday: stayed at home, still sick. spent the day, EATING .

tuesday:first day back ever since the wednesday before. i had phys ed with izzy and fuck, i never knew how tiring 800 metres was. i had that science MSE testing thingy, it was what ? NINE IN THE MORNING . jeez. my brain was not functioning.

wednesday: i had jewellery, causing a brief incident with luke, well nothing really, just the fact he looked at me weird and waved and i did a spastic smile [: courtney was hyperventilating. haha then we were talking about her guy jodie. me & ames were stalking luke at recess, good ol fun. omfg, i miss amiee so much.

thursday: i had visual arts and mr smoker is a big fat artistic bitch. i mean honestly, ive never seen an artistic person THAT pissy. jeez, i miss mrs byfield, she was supernice. im honestly having a huge distate in art thanks to him. i was all pissy at him coz i didnt get to sit with steph and izzy.

friday: DREADING PHOTOGRAPHY. i dont want that. no no no . and phys ed. like omfgggg. no one's in photography. at all ! and i was suppose to be in D&T with izz but they kicked me out coz it was full but amiee got in ?! waddafuck. i'll try change again, like most deffo. CASSIE DAVIS is coming tmoz , she's uber cool with th whole self produced music and all.

saturday: KENDURI, shit shit shit , LIKE FCKIN 80 PLATES TO WASH, DRY AND KEEP. and the setting up . jeezzzzzz. i suggested paper plates but mum was all like then thats not good enough ==" i'm looking forward to seeing the peeple though. i loveeee reunions [:

&i don't know what's happening the rest of the week. okay sunday, but still.

i have like a book frenzy going on with me, idk why though. i've read 5 books in just a little more than a week. books as in, one book is at least 300 pages.

NERD.

okay, i want to go make myself a drink. goodbye.

&you know it's by instinct.

2009-07-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

make the world your runway ;
aliyah is back. yes i guess it would be annoying if i kept updating my blog whenever i feel like, when people actually read it but in my case, i bet 0.00000000000000000000000001% of the people i know+strangers do read my blog, so it won't make much of a difference. currently, im slouched in front of the computer screen and dealing with a fever (which i strongly believe that is honestly making me go slowly irrational & sadistic ; in other words, mentally crazy -.-" ) I haven't been out with friends in awhile.

oh right, my recent trip to singapore two weeks ago ^.^ i felt like it was ultimate freedom, considering the facts that it was only my sister and i. i got in trouble with my auntie a couple of times for not coming back on curfew, but she couldnt stay mad at me long (thank god) i enjoyed every bit of it [: the love i was getting from my relatives were breathtaking, i missed them a lot, and pain drilled into me, knowing i only see them once every 12 months and a maximum visit of a little over a month each time. i was lucky this year, i had the trip that just passed and the end of year trip which i can't wait for. the recent trip was also a whirlwind for my already destroyed love life, don't ask. that bit of my social life, has neverrrr everr worked out, and i doubt that it ever will. in a while. boys are the weirdest creatures on the planet. on the sort of ironically funny side of things, there was this 'rumour' going on that this nenek was going around knocking on people's doors at inappropriate time (like after midnight) asking them to buy keropok and if they refused she'll make her 'friend' to force them to. it kinda made me crack up laughing but still sent shivers down my spine. i do believe in the supernatural. i dreaded the moment when i had to fly back home, i was reluctant and i was in one of my really determined moods that day, i kept refusing to go home and asked for an extension. obviously, my auntie just let me rant and rant until i shut up, which i eventually did. i couldn't look anyone in the eye that day, i knew i would break down and knowing me, i do not break down without fight. when we went pass the immigration thingy, it was funny coz it was 5 minutes till the boarding gate closed and my sister kept on saying fr us to leave right now, i was standing in line for a burger at hungry jack's. i got all pissy at her and we ran all the way to the boarding gate. it'd be superfunny if we missed our plane. not really, but yeah.

back to the present, i've been binge eating and i've been wanting to start exercising on a regular basis but im simply lazy, jeez, i want muscles like isolde larkins (L) no, she's not some famous foreign bodybuilder, she's my best friend in the whole world. it's like she understands me. OMG that reminds me, im currently reading the Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead [: i have to admit it's wayy better than Twilight (i think most people are caught on that because of the cheesy/"everything we dreamed of" love story with the hot guy and accident prone chick) it kicks ass more then Twilight does and it's more diverse and the plots are a heck loads of action packed and i bet the vampires are better defined [: that's what i think.

&by the looks of how much i have to scroll down, i should stop blogging. so i'm off to get something to eat before i die.

breakdown.

2009-06-27T07:13:00.000-07:00

falling hearts ;

oh my i never got over you .

she told herself repeatedly that she didnt love him anymore.

somehow thinking that if she said it enough times, it will sink in.

but it never did.

not even through the days, the weeks, the months.

she had her happy days where she entirely forgets.

then her loss creeps in again.

dragging her down to tears.

she stops and thinks that

its not worth crying over.

but she does anyway.

even after she lets it all out,

her mind still ponders about him.

her heart still needing him.

she could feel a stake through the heart,

the feeling she had when she first lost him.

it pains her inside so much.

she eternally bleeds in silence.

she misses him.

he is her light.

he is her soul.

he is who she needs to be her.

without him ; she doesnt exist.

so why, she asks, was it not meant to be?

was this just a crude test?

to see her crumble?

to see her feel alone & depressed?

she always had her friends and family

always there to cheer her up.

but she knew deep inside,

how cold her heart was without him by her side.

she hates herself sometimes ;

thinking that it is her own fault that hes gone.

thinking that she couldve changed the future.

she couldve stopped this tragedy.

but too late for regrets now,

as she lay on her bed,

reminiscing the days.

she knows he doesnt want her.

he doesnt miss her

he doesnt love her.

but she still hopes and she dreams.

and she smiles and cries when

the memories flood back.

she just hopes she won't go insane one day.

because she knew she meant it when she said to him,

"I can't live without you."

and she knew she meant it when she whispered those words,

"Baby, i love you. Forever&always."

so why did you have to go?

the awesomest (:

2009-06-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

HELLO .
wow, for some reason i'm feeling highly ecstatic.

sorry for not blogging in a while.

well, highlights of last week, weren't so much as highlights so yeah.

YESTERDAY WAS FUNNESTTTT (:

amie+steph+izzy = ( L )

lakeside, &shoppinng for izzy's mum's present. we had those weird balls of ice cream . it was nice though. came across luke (well steph & izz) who said he was busy and could not come . LIAR. i tried stalking him but i couldnt even find him . i was gonna have a huge go at him. Izzy came by an old friend, Veronica was it ? we were acting like spastic retards as usual. Steph bought like almost the whole Smiggle shop, jeez. anywho, here's pictures, the first three at jayjays & neoprintsss (:

we're awesome aren't we ?

we should do that againnn (:

&when i got home, people were coming over for yet another BBQ. i miss seeing the familiar faces whom i didnt get to see yesterday. i played a whole heck of Wii (:

&im seriously begging for the drums & the mic for the Guitar Hero: World Tour.

I don't know what i'm gonna do today . i was hoping to go to the park with Ames & Luke. but i might have to go out with my parents. I already asked my dad if we can go watch Angels & Demons today . after th park.

hehe, i've wanted to watch that since .. like ages ago . im a nerdd 8-)

i've been such a bad binge eater recently. I have to stop. jeez, i have the strong will . oh yes i do. LOL.

I'm watching the MTV Movie Awards '09 now (:

it's awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. &oh yeah i can't stop saying awesome.

&speaking with a lipth, thanks to izz & kells. haha.

&jeez, shannon rance is a big bitch . oh well, already go through this last year, i dnt really mind though .

okayy done for now . might update on th same post later .

loveeyouss (:

tattoos are just a way to say thankyou.

2009-06-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

she is awesome (:

hello,

i havent blogged for a week.

i keep planning to but then i shrug it off.

i am on my bed, with my daddy's Mac, struggling to keep my eyes open even though

its only a quarter till ten.

i really should get some shut eye,

because i've got the lightning carnival tomorrow .

its going to be extremely lame but at least i get to see my friends.

so it was the long weekend,

and im glad its over.

it was dragging by so slow,

on saturday it was a day out with th family.

even an hour of karaoke,

rofl tht was good fun.

i spent sunday, cleaning the house,

slacking in front of the computer,

and chatting to luke till past midnight (:

i don't know how close we've gotten,
even if it is through msn.
it's roughly more than 10 hours of chatting altogether,
in only 3 days 0.o

today was quite the same,

slacking, chatting, and oh,

70 minutes worth of chat, on the phone with my favourite

person in the whole wideee world,

isode larkins (:

plus i kicked arse at guitar hero for like two hours.

and nfs: carbon.

nerrdddd 8-)

AND OMG, I SAW THE

NEW MOON TRAILER,

PURE AWESOMENESTTT :D

that totally made my day, here you are :

i can't wait untill novemberrrr :D

who wants to watch it with meee ?

heh .

well, its ten, no one interesting is online

(rofl no offence)

so i will head off to bed,

and get ready for an early start at six tomorrw,

because i have to do the laundryy =='

goodnight everybody (:

ps : this blog post is very random, just like me (:

i can't wait for you to shut me up.

2009-05-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

mindless self indulgence ♥

hello, weirdlings.
i am very very very tired.

and oh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISOLDE !
I LOVEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUU !

:D

heh, i just got back from her place after the surprise party :D

it was just talking & snacking.
it was really nice bonding and that.

i forgot to camwhore with them again.

next weekend, lakeside ? :D

talking about parties,
one of the year 12s are having a party
with alcohol = = '

lol, steph's sister, kaitlin wasn't suppose to go
coz of that, shes faking it and saying shes
sleeping over someones place.

i was waiting for luke to go online
but he probs got invited to
&he's getting wasted, hooking up with all these other chicks

&he has a date on the weekends
with this random girl who rides his bus.

i can't keep up with his social life.

how am i suppose to ask him out now?
shitshitshit.
&he gets bored easily.

oh, & im certain you wont ever take me back.
i realised that im not the same person you fell in love with
a year ago.

BAHHAHHAHAH,

&a b-side to izzy's bdae.
i randomly went up to luke and asked him to sign her balloon.
and he didnt say happy birthday
it was like 'luke says hi'
and im like .
dofussss XD

luke:
*grubling* omg why do so many ppl know me.
me:
coz they do. now shut up and write.
luke:
still grumbling and struggling to write. (20 cm away from my face )
hahha his friends were like:
hi, who are you? *weird face*
me:
hi*waves*
friends:
did you get on with luke?
luke:
shit i cant write now *struggling to write on the balloon.&done.
me:
*walking away and shouting. NOT YET!
friends&luke:
laughing. talking about what happened.

funny shiiiiiit !
&before that
the first time i asked him,
he was like walking midway with his belt open
well he was adjusting it
he's like huh ?!
and he looked down there
and i followed his gaze
and i laughed out loud.
and he ran to the toilet holding his pants.
(now he's gonna kill me if he reads it)

okay enough about MRIMANERDWHOSABIGSHOWOFF.

im tired and i still have my makeup on = = '

oh yeahh movies i need to catch:
x Transformer : Revenge of the Fallen
x New Moon
x Night at the Museum 2
x The Proposal
x Angels & Demons
x Watchmen
x Wolverine
x Star Trek
x Harry Potter 6th

:D:D:D

so many movies to get through.
i probs will have a movie night with friends :D

i can't wait for monday though.
school again.
hehe, im such a freak.

meh, weekends bore me coz well i am confined = = '

okay, i think im gonna go now.

i give up on waiting for luke.
he should be making out with some chick right now
and not notice that he is.

well, i guess im too late.
he probs already found a gf.

grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

goodnight (:

falling away with you.
i think our lives have just begun.

that weird shiny object from mars that just landed on my backyard.

2009-05-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

30h!3♥

i feel like random today (:

hehe.

i kicked my own arse at trying to learn eye of the tiger on guitar yesterday.
i sat there for a whole frikin three hours.
demolishing myself with cuts and bruises thanks to the harsh wires.

&finding out that my music teacher was absent and i did that for nothing.
but i'm glad i had a good practice with my guitar.

i'm gonna try learn bella's lullaby on keyboards now.
it looks fuckloads hard.
but meh.

i havent been camwhoring.
which is a humungous surprise.

btw, i feel like i don't know who i am anymore.
yes, i do think before i do things.

but i'm very biased at who i am.

i can't figure myself out.
i'm very unpredictable.
espacially towards myself.

okay, i'll blog when i'm bothered.
plus i wanna go put streaks in my hair.

i seriously wanna go for blonde streaks in my hair.
like random ones.
but ...
not now ?

okay bye.

hehe.

&i'm reliving the twilight chaos(:

omg, i'm conquering the fuckedup dancefloor, bitches.

in nostalgia's prescence.

2009-05-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

i'm still pondering about you .

as i've told you, just maybe, you hide your feelings from yourself, for reasons i have yet to know, and so do you .

i'm in such a problematique that i can't seem to figure all of this out . yes, i know, i do love you but . . .

am i suppose to accept you again ? i feel ultimately useless, as i feel you want me back when you feel like it and chuck me away when you don't . i know what a sincere person you are, and i trust you . but it's like the boy who cried wolf . i really don't know what to do . i can't seem to live without you but if i accept you might just throw me away again . now you said you love me but you'll think about it if you'll take me back . i don't want to get hurt again, and i know you don't want to live ur life knowing you've made me cry and never apologised .

i'm irrevocably&unconditionally in love with you, i'm not lying .

i confessed again my feelings . to which you professed your undying love as well .

i know you mean it, i'm just not so sure if you'll change your mind .

can i just please you with the fact that love's not a game and im not a player ? i follow your desicions as i'm so lovesick . and my only remedy is to love you more .

i don't get our love story . i want it to happen but please don't complicate it anymore .

xxx .

it's not once, that you hurt me, it's the third time. i know i've done wrong, but ... why three times. i miss you . i love you. i want you . i need you . you're so many things in my life. and right now, things have been going really bad, and you're just not there fr me anymore .

i'm hurting inside, im dying.

i'llbegonebeforeyoufuckingknowit.

2009-05-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

ignore me if you see me
'coz i just don't give a shit.

arghh.
lifeisabigbullshittingmessrightaboutnow.

&its soooo difficult to tolerate.
i've got so much too handle.
and .. so little time for any whining.

theparentstheschoolthenoboyfriendthedepressed
thelonelythesadtherestrictions.

i've still not used to the fact that i'm lonely.
i don't have that other half to lean on anymore.
i can't pick up the phone and call that one person
who i know would listen and be there
through it all.

&im thinking of asking that person out.
maybe i should.
maybe i shouldn't.
i dunno.

but the fact that my heart still remains how it felt.
i think it might as well be two timing in a way.

but i think i should
just to forget him.

&the weekends,
i wanna have a mini runaway with kak ila.
that'd be soo good.

i've been so rebel recently,
i think i should go to military school.

don't blame me.
i'm not allowed on public transport,
not allowed out with friends.
can't even go to movies without parents.
can't wear shortshorts.
can't talk to boys on the phone.
can't sit next to boys.
can't show my collarbone.

WHATTHEFARKINGHELL.

you expect me to live with that when im fucking fourteen ?
nooo.

i break th rules.
&i'm gonna keep breaking them.

they keep saying my auntie keeps restricting her anak.
pffffftt.

jengok diri sendiri sikit bleh tak ?

too late,
i've gone rebel now.

&no one's there to show my that straight path laid in front of me.

k happy things now.

my auntie and cousin coming over in junee !
I CANT WAIIIIIIIITTTTTT !

they will make me ohsomuchbetteriswear.

&omg i think shes getting me an ipod touch bayybehh!
yay !

k im done ranting.

headdownheaddown.
electrichearts.

electric hearts.

2009-05-13T02:20:00.000-07:00

&as much as you guys might hate this post .

i just have to say .
i'm not sure if it is love.
but i know that i've never wanted anyone so bad.
i've never needed anyone so bad.

&i never thought that anyone could have such an influence on me.
the feelings i feel for you
are static.
one of a kind, eventhough it hurts.

when i see you, my heart beats as fast as lightning.
i can't take my eyes off you.
i'd do so much to get over you .
so much.
because i'm done missing you.
i'm done with sacrificing so much for you.
i'm done hurting myself.

but you know what ?
i still love you.
my feelings never go away.

you don't know how much i try to resist you.
how much i hurt to resist you.
how much i cry to resist you.
i don't know if its real.
if you're that one person i'm suppose to spend forever with.
and now's just not our time yet .

but with th way you're treating me now,
it seems almost impossible that you will ever love me again.

i know i've hurt you .
i know i've made you cry.
i blame myself.

but sometimes when i think about it.
you've hurt me so much more.
i cry myself to sleep.
i hurt so much trying to forget you.
it's so hard for me.

and you think its a joke.
i'd do so much to get over you.
anything.
but i'd do more than anything to have you back again.

&if only you knew .

i don't care for my guilty pleasure for you(:

2009-05-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY !

( i'm on dad's laptop. which is a Mac. & i'm not so sure how to use it, so i guess i'll edit this later with pictures & all )

so, mum's day.
what'd you do/gonna do for mum today ?

we're having this small family friends gathering.
&mum insists on cooking the chicken wings.
ahh, she's my robot (:

oomgomg, i loveee how the Cobra Starship picture blended in with my earlier blog post.
heheh.

okay, this Mac is killing me.
i edit this post later.

hello, im back & editing the post.
everyone's slacking and watching bedtime stories now.
the hamkhas went at four 'coz they have somewhere else to go to.
today was generally funn(:
apart from ...
the fact that ..
there was severe awkwardness.
ermm anways.
i think i'm wagging tomorrow as i seriously cbf to do that music test.
probs get drew to get me.
its worser than taking a bus.
but at least i wont get lost.
i'm just hoping for a fun nice relaxing day tomorrow.
i just realised how rebel i've been ever since he left.
i just don't understand how he doesnt get it.
okay, goodbye.
i'm tired & i still have to plan th wagging.

i came here to make a dance tonight.

smelyalata.

2009-05-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

Cobra Starship ♥

i'll like you if you're different, just like CobraStarship(:

i am sick and i didnt go to school . and madrasah too. im still in my big jersey and tights. my fingers are numb 'coz it's cold. &this random guy is hitting on me ><

ohhgosh.lightningcarnival.omgomgomgidontwannaplay
whatamisupposetodovolleyballmaybeohyes.

*frowns

im currently catching up with izzy with what's happening at school & checking up how the stalking luke is going :D

&also hakim . so far, its imaginary boyfriends, house numbers, funny people. hmm yeah. oh now we're pretending we don't know each other.

i hate/like talking to people from 'before' makes me have butterflies in my tummy. too much of that nostalgic feeling. im scared i might slip and say something im not suppose to say anymore.

DO I BLOG TOO MUCH ? LIKE TYPE TOO MUCH ? and its oh so boring isn't it ? sigh.

i'm thinking of changing my blogskin. i get bored of it quickly. and i can't wait to meddle with HTML codes.

ohnononononoimveryverystupidisaidsomethingishouldntnownownownow
iswearmyheartsgoing100milesanhourandwowishouldnthavethattriggersyoutooohno
imsosorryimstupid.

*slaps herself.

sigh . i don't wanna talk 'coz .. well, its weird. GRR I HATE MYSELF.

anyways, i downloaded Photoshop Elements 7.0 (:

i wanted CS3 or better CS4 but i couldn't find it *sobs

DID YOU KNOW ITS RRP IS $700 ? mahal or whaaat ?!

alright i think im done with ranting. ohh & i can't wait for tomorrow, mother's day (:

khairul & lutfil are coming, i swear they make me feel better everytime. err. maybe hakim's coming ? i think BUT I NEED HADI TO COME COZ MY MUSIC TEST IS ON MONDAY AND IM OHSOOHSOOHSODEAAAAAD.

sigh, rock like a hurricane by scorpions. its pretty easy . but being me i have troule with strumming.

im also trying out iris by googoo dolls.

okay goodbye.

&i wish some things never changed.

2009-05-05T03:40:00.000-07:00

&it's a walk down memory lane this time.

for the two people i miss most.

i wish a lot of things never change but dreamers never hold up against the harsh tide of reality. therefore, my wishes stay silent.

but, i guess letting it out once won't hurt.

i had that one guy to show me that all guys weren't the same. he's gone now. idk why. feelings come and go but i never thought ours would leave. somehow i still have faith that deep down inside, that connection is still there, it's just, we need to revive it again. i doubt that i can ever ask so much of you because, you've forgotten.

i've told you to remember, but this new single life of yours seems to make you happier, perhaps more freedom ? i really do miss you.

&all the times you called me those cocky nicknames, that we got used to. it made me tingle inside everytime.

&the best thing i loved about you was that, you genuinely loved me. with all your heart.

but i will keep the fire burning, however hard it takes. that little piece of what we shared remains.

___________________________________

you,you,you,you.

you used to be my betterhalf, remember ?
then you turned your back and left.
what happened ?

you never told me why. or how. i still miss you. & i wish we had the silly conversations & the stupid little fights that we had. we shared secrets, wasted our time on things that weren't worth it, we had a whole heck of interests, and we always had something to talk about.

i loved how you had high hopes & high dreams, and i appreciated that you involved me. i loved how you made me laugh at your not-so-funny sarcastic jokes. i loved how you cared so much. i loved how you backed up for me everytime. i loved how you sacrifice a lot for me.

&then, it was over. in an instant.

ohgosh, why ? whyohwhyohwhy ?

if only i could tell you, how much i miss you. that would be awkward, since we've been silent for since last september. i never said a word, because really, im afraid of you. afraid of being rejected once more. afraid that if i say something wrong, you'll not be in my life at all.

i'm gratefull enough that we still have conversations, occasionally when needed. the usual hellos&byes.

you'll never come back, will you ?

___________________________________

aliyahsaysshemissesyou♥

what now? for where art thou, my ghostly past?

2009-05-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

a part of me, doesn't want to let go. but , i have to & i don't think i hold the same feelings for you. it's gone. i reckon. &friends is just fine. it's just, being me, i want to fall in love again quick, coz i just cant function being single. maybe coz im not used to it ? i suck .

meh, i'll just worry about the fact that .. bad luck has been lurking around MY every corner. i've never had a good day since my birthday. am i jinxed ?

i'm being patient and dealing. all these other problems that people dump on me are of no use either.

madrasah's restarting after the two week break, tomorrow, i'm looking forward though, as i've made new friends over the holidays :D

i'm planning to head to khadija's on sunday, i havent heard from her in ages & i thought a drop by would be nice. i'm suppose to see serif as well.

my hiptops being a bigbigbig GAYLORD on me. 'coz i went to get the simcard with my dad, and th previous owner hadn't inactivate his account, biggggdofus.

if he doesn't sort that out before, monday. i swear, i can't take all this, cancelations, postpones, delays, lost of things etc etc.

PLUS i have to go it on alone. which i've not been used to for the past year.

&i know i've got the friends. and the family (but oh wait, that's one of my probs too) that care. though, it's not the same as having your counterpart, listen and care.

no offence. if that was offensive ? :S

i miss singapore. a lot. &i miss my kecho, and supportive relatives. ohh, the misery.

i missssmissss ARFAHH ! :(

she's always there, through my ups and downs, and i loveeeeeee her to bits.

omg, i've been downloading songs the whole day, coz i skipped school (stupidd flu)

hehhe, for some reason i'm loving Taylor Swift's Crazier & T-Pain's I'm On A Boat (:

the two songs are definately irrelevant to each other but meh . haha.

OMG, AND AND AND Enrique Iglesias' Takin' Back My Love :D

okay, i'm done with ranting. goodbye.

aliyahlovesyoucozyourehermostfavouritepersoninthewholeworld.

&maybe i should.

2009-04-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

pictures to burn.

you still push me away yet i still devour you. people tell me not to give up 'coz they know we're meant to be. but they tell me to give up too, coz they dont wanna see me hurt.

so should i let those pictures burn? or should i wait for your return?

a string of miseries has been on my lead . &sigh, i can't really cope. i'm mentally/emotionally challenged. a slap after another .

&if you came back, everything would be so much better. i'm missing that strong wall to lean on.

everyones in love right now. &i cant wait for my prince charming to come back and whisk me away.

from: to:

24/04/2009	9:13:55 PM	# aliyah .™('.')	fαfαh [?яαwr]	idk how he forgot a whole year of memories so fast .
24/04/2009	9:14:28 PM	fαfαh [?яαwr]	# aliyah .™('.')	god ..
24/04/2009	9:14:40 PM	fαfαh [?яαwr]	# aliyah .™('.')	i bet he didnt .
24/04/2009	9:15:48 PM	fαfαh [?яαwr]	# aliyah .™('.')	cumer dier like keras kepale .. dier tknk tunjok kann uhks . he loves you , i knowww !! cumer mood swing gytuu ..
24/04/2009	9:15:58 PM	fαfαh [?яαwr]	# aliyah .™('.')	dunnoe how to explain .
24/04/2009	9:16:07 PM	# aliyah .™('.')	fαfαh [?яαwr]	haha k i fhm2 je ..
24/04/2009	9:16:18 PM	# aliyah .™('.')	fαfαh [?яαwr]	but .. entah la .. i hope its a mood swing
24/04/2009	9:16:24 PM	# aliyah .™('.')	fαfαh [?яαwr]	i dnt really knw how to cope without him

ohh, how i hope thats true . &thankyou, arfahh, cousin tersayangggg (:

she lifts me up when everythings down.

i miss her. i wanna runaway and go back to s'pore ... or running away to Greece wouldnt be half as bad :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

with rachel !

my hiptop camee on wednesdayyy, enough to make me happy but i still need a sim card, which i think im never gonna get coz its on a plan =='

i was supposed to go out with serif and mohammad today to gallaz but its closed, so im waiting for monday.

&just maybe, i could start something new. even if it is the most unworthy guy in the whole world. things can happen.

&maybe i could forget you, the painful way you made me feel when you forgot me.

i'm back to my hardcoree roots (:

my chem, afi, linkin park, taking back sunday etc etc.

its a bummer the shops are closed. i don't know where i'm headed today , or who.

school's starting on wednesday. =='

i'll blog laterr.

me,you & the stars.

2009-04-21T04:45:00.000-07:00

dont worry, im sure i still love you .
:D

mm, i feel like an irish nut creme from gloria jeans .... mmm, i can taste it already . i kinda skipped dinner 'coz my throat's gone all weird on me. k, random(:

i've been occupying myself with reruns of Gossip Girl. i likeee this picture (:

i lovelovelove my favourite characters.

anyone else a GG addict?

going to gallaz on sat, with mohammad !
wanna joinnnnnnnnn ?

its just us two though.
maybe serif is coming ?

dunno.

&i think maccas on friday with my ocean reefers (:

i need a new something to take my mind off things. idk what that something is though.

i have sooo much on my todo list . but i never bother .

my hiptop has not comeeeeeeeeeee. its been a week plus . its killinggg me.

please please please come tomorrow, at least before saturday ...

okay, im gonna go edit pictures now.

goodbye.

im seriously not kidding.

2009-04-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

as fine as i might seem to be.

i still miss you.

&you pretend nothing happened.

it kills inside.

i don't believe anybody feels the way i do about you now ;

2009-04-18T04:14:00.000-07:00

Joan Miro.
my inspiration (:

&i've realised the worst in me and i'm sincerely trying to change. so, hear me out, i'm sorry . to anyone who i've hurt. or whatever damage i have afflicted upon you in any way. i've been messed up for the past few weeks, i admit, what with everything happening ; i just feel like the need to say sorry now. im human, i make mistakes .

&among everyone else, you're still my wonderwall. but i have to let you go.

one step at a time.

2009-04-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

the last few days, have been hectic & tiring, shopping, walking round & more shopping. my wallets almost empty :( &i've only got 100-ish bucks to spare.

yesterday, was just mucking around Gallaz with farhann(: (Y)
i loveee abang ! heheh. that was funny.
KFC+COTTONONBODY = YAY FACTOR (:

rofl.

omgomgomg. i wanna watch thissss :

heehee, must see for meee !
anyone wanna be my movieebuddyy?
:D

City Central gave me $40 short shorts from Just Jeans, two tanktops from JayJays and accessories from Ice which already blew me off a almost a 100 bucks on tuesday. but i was lucky to see bestfriend there too(:

mmmm, the adrenaline starts all over again.

so, we're best of friends now. it doesnt mean my feelings for you are gone. they're there, they stayed put all along. i can't help but love you. you were, are & will be my everything. i can't let you go. however hard i try. &now you say, you're unsure of how you feel for me. &i totally understand that you want to stay friends, because, we're taking it slow. but im so scared of losing you. im scared of losing that chance of having you again. i have the remaining of this year, and next year, & you're gone for two years & a half. and chances are zero, that you'll be mine.

i told you im not forcing you to fall in love with me, so i'm trying my hardest not to.

go with the flow, quote rachel (:

i found pictures of my baby Fender (:

& i edited :D:D:D

give me your opinons
on the tagboard,
buzz me,
on msn,
anything cheyeahhs (:

okay, byebye sayangs, i'll blog later.

P.S : i'm down with a fever & sore throat, no hugs & kisses unlesss you want to get infected (:

&i'm always here ; waiting .

2009-04-13T00:35:00.000-07:00

&yes, you're my other half.
forever&always.

along with a heck of miscommunications and lost feelings, people tend to find themselves and what they mean to others. it was a long hard trial, but We made it through fine. And though, things aren't like what they were before, We still have our laughs, our jokes, our hugs and time with each other even if those endless kisses and messages just cease to exist for now. We may not be soul mates . but feelings can grow, can't they ? He makes me feel amourous just as before. i still need him around. Situations avoid Us from what we really want, but We can wait.

i'm always here for you
&i know you're always there for me(:

i love you, bestfriend.

there are many things i'd like to say to you.

2009-04-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

'

&that's the bottom line.

&i just dont want to see your face ever again . you scar my heart, you leave me in pain, and then you leave . you did that once, and then twice and then now, the third and this time you left to pursue someone else . how could you have the heart to do that ? when you knew, our whole future was right there. i believed in you and i trusted you with my life. and you put it to shreds. i loved you . you threw it all away. it hurts me to see you smile with someone else.

~~i'm winning you back .~~ i love you . and ... i know its wrong to force you to love me again, so i wont do that . i cant live without you .

i love you ; forever & always .

insomnia.

2009-04-10T00:27:00.000-07:00

&i wanna escape to greece .

&if only you could see right through me, you'd realise that i was hurt all along. i'm not pleading anymore, however you want to compensate. i'll accept only if you realise what's right. &i told you insomnia would well creep up to me, as well as being nostalgic. you can't break a promise & run. you can never hide from what you destroyed. because its your blame.

&fair enough that all my peers say you're not the major assaulter, You, lady , should not have made assumptions that I needed to find another guy just because i had doubts on him. i'm hoping this is just a silly phase he goes through. You're just a phase. My lost prescence caused him misery and your attendance has made it all too much of a 'warm hug' to avoid. So, He fell into your deep trap.

Furthermore, i just have to say, i really couldn't belive the two of you would betray me just like that. it doesn't mean im mostly not there in your everyday lives, means that i dont exist at all. i'm here. don't treat me like i don't have feelings.

&Keep your sad excuses, because i don't need them.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Movies with Izzy + Luke tmr (:
that'll cheer me up .

anyone else wanna tag along ?

i'm feeling terrible 'coz i lost my mobile + ipod. i feel so vulnerable without them. Espacially my music. it's my Medicine.

oh well, i'll let you all know my new number, when i get my Hiptop :D:D:D

i've been listening to Queen, Sex Pistols, Cat Stevens, Cream, Deep Purple & Oasis .

hehhe, old school chyeahhhs !

okay, imma go start on that to do list . And thankyou, to all of those who helped me recuperate, i appreciated Your Love truckloads (:

To Do :
x Straighten Hair
x Play My Fender Squier
x Get More Sleep
x Drink Tea
x Think Of How To Get You To Notice That I'm Still In Love With You

yeah, go with the slut .

2009-04-09T02:55:00.000-07:00

well, fuck you too.

&when things deliberately don't go like how you planned, you replan. but what if promises were broken along the way? &a heart damaged? so what do you do?

my conclusion : i'll pretend i don't care because you're in love with someone else now. &someone else is supposedly like my sister.

you're such an awesome sister. i sooo love you.

thanks for stealing my boyfriend .

oh wait, thts not all, i hate you too, ex-boyfriend. because you promised me forever & always didnt you ?

oh well.

i've gotten past my angry and upset stage . and now im in my im so hyper i pretend i dont care stage.

i tried to fix it didnt i ? i couldnt . coz you didnt give me a chance. coz you gave up on me. whilst i had my doubts about you, i never gave up.

its been 12 months chucked in the bin.

&i'm gonna start my routine all over again : insomnia + nostalgia + bullimia.

yeahh man, thats awesome.

if you could see right through me like how you used to, you should know that i still love you. because i never gave up on you and never will.

but i'm starting to think that i should.

of chicken soup & blankets.

2009-04-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

&when i go back to singapore for a new haircut, what are the best options ?

should i pull off an audrey kitching ?

a blake lively ?

or a miranda kerr ?

basically its long, heavily layered and messy curled (:

&i'm probably colouring my hair similiar to miranda's 1st pic on the left .

&i'm dying for miranda kerr's body . she's hot . rofl .

&oh, i sound like a bullfrog and my voicebox and throat are all wrong . my head's been spinning endlessly and i'm lacking energy . sigh, i hate getting sick .

&i've got a music and science test to do tmr, not tht i mind so much . coz i can retake them when i return .

okay, im gonna get some shut eye . and its 5 noon . hahha funny .

aites laters .

p. s : i'm a vampire & luke's a samurai :D

&i miss the way you used to hold me.

2009-04-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

&i just discovered that i'm pretty slow after midnight throughout 10 am . hohoho . &that i'm currently in love with colbie caillat, taylor swift, jason mraz categorised songs -___-

i had trunkloads of fun with jamilah dizdarevic (: she's mysoulmate . i missed her loads . i'm glad we had plenty of time to catch up with each other .

&so yeah, today was soccer + volleyb , i've got pics tooo !

soccer saturdays

is my hair brownn ? or BROWNN ? D: rofl.

makan mee goreng tk share ke perr, arinah ?

yeah yeah, you're cool, farhan, we know *rolls eyes

&again .

the end (:

it's exactly 1.17 am and boy, am i tired . i've got a science and music test to go on monday . i have no bloody idea on how to start my music homework . anyone good with scales? sigh, i suck .

musics test on listening analysis of songs throughout the 70s. i'm relatively alright with this . i think .

i'm scared shitless that i'll probably not turn up at school .

i'm tempted to make an after midnight snack, i'm feeling like a peanut butter & jam sandwich (:

sigh, even after my last post, i still miss your hugs & kisses, hunny . a lot . i want you . i need you . you're my wonderwall (:

&when you get back, you owe me fourteen full days of catching up with me .

last week of school (:
plus it ends on thursday, how awesome is that ?! :D

yay ! im getting a hiptop (:

i loveee my parents . well most times . hahha . im so deprived of my social life, its sad . i know they care, but i do have a life of my own . and i'm positive that their main reason (which they never tell me) is that they're scared i might get out of control and leave them . out of untrustfullness and selfishness, they're scared i won't have time with them ever . i wasn't brought up that way, they should know, they brought me up .

sigh, nvm . bt yehh .

i'm off to bed in fifteen . so i'll blog soon .

tomorrow is watching movie + getting fat + hogging the couch (:

x

&i can't breathe without you .
you're the only thing i've ever known .

i can't feel like what we did when i first saw you .

2009-04-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

hello there .

i'm back . yeah, long unmentioned hiatus, sorry . a lot has been happening . but i'll just post this blog entry out of current situations .

what do you do when you know its lost forever & you don't ever want to admit it ? you refuse to let reality win against your own threshold of lies just to protect the other, and maybe, just possibly, your own guilt .

where's that fireworks i've been searching for, that was there long before ? why, can't i find it ? no, i've not fallen for someone else .

but i do feel that you belong with someone more deserving than i am of you . you treat me well, and here i am, admitting my lost of feelings .

confusion is never one of life's best gifts .

though, i still can't help but wonder what life would be without your love, knowing it will never return .

am i ready to take up such a consequence ?

on the not so serious sides of things, i've been begging for a hiptop . don't ask why though . my childless cries and begs are neverending when it comes to what i want . i dont know whether to label it as a pro or con . a N96 is a second best, but i'm not so sure . hahah, im still so contemplative .

okay, i'm tired and sleepy . i'm crashing in 5 minutes .

so i'm off, till i update tmr possibly .

volleyb + soccer tmr !

&i hopefully might get an Irish Nut Creme Coffee from Gloria Jeans (:

x

aku tak mengerti .

2009-03-13T23:32:00.000-07:00

lupakan aku kembali padanya/forget me & return to her

aku bukan siapa-siapa untukmu/i'm no one for you

kucintaimu tak berarti bahwa/i love you but
ku harus memilikimu selamanya/that doesnt mean you are mine forever

- di antara kalian by d'masiv

&that pretty much reflects how im feeling right now. i'm not fighting for you anymore. twice was already hardship to bare with. i dont want to make you have a choice to make. leave me now. let me suffer. fall in love again. i shouldn't be here to hold you back. i love you. i want you to stay, but i need you to leave.

everything comes crashing down just because one person takes a step into the picture. and it all happens in the span of two days.

&i don't want you if you're in love with someone else. i need you but no, its impossible. you make me angry, you make me sad. but i love you. and im here , crying, while you're moving on.

i guess you don't know how much you mean to me.

i'm out of your life, because i made the choice to. forget me.

let's play a love game ;

2009-02-23T22:49:00.000-08:00

kiss me in the rain

i'm feeling highly amorous right now. but .. i'm not understanding who i want though. i won't lie, i really don't know, if i .. love you . it complicates me so much, because ... if i let you go, i want you back . i need you . but when i do have you, i get unattracted so quick .

i cant think of what to do or say to you . i can't feel my heart go twice its rate when you say my name anymore . i dnt have tht electric feel when we touch . my eyes remain open when i kiss you . bt i do not want to let you go .

because when i do, i yearn fr you again . maybe i just need some figuring out .

i've been skipping school loads . i dnt knw why . my new school makes me feel nostalgic . but i'm enjoying it enough, i guess .

i've been a dag with my eyeliner and mascara, i need moreee . possibly, MAC ones pleaseee (:

okay, i'll blog more later ...

you can't play on broken strings ;

I can't tell you something that ain't real

that's what you get for waking up in vagas (!)

2009-02-09T23:06:00.000-08:00

i've been home the past two days, down with a fever . haha . maybe im not going to school tomorrow . not that i care . i reckon i can catch up (:

i've got visual arts tomorrow and im not so sure if i should go or not . i promised dion i'd sit next to him and draw (:

heh, but i guess he wouldnt mind that much coz i've got building & construction on thurs with him too .

i discovered th artsy side of me today . haha, no wth . i just am sooo into art but it kinda disappoints me coz i know, and pretty much my parents know that i can do wayyy better in academic stuffs, i can go fr lawyer, doctor .. or whatever .

but i like art . but, somehow lacking th fact that i cnt excel in performing arts anymore . my guitar, i cant seem to focus and practice and playing, doesnt give me that exhileration of freedom when i do things out of passion .

photography is my number one now . and somehow , out of th blue, fashion ? im in loveee with vintage clothes .

i'll keep changing my passion, knowing me, im never consistent .

sharing secrets with your big bro ? hahah, that's what im doing right now . not literally . but yeahh, its nice actually ! hehe wth .

fr some reason, i feel like running away with millions of dollars and start over again BUT bring my best friends with me . heh wth

k im bored . bye . continue my chatting !

call me every night & tell me you love me (:

2009-02-05T23:52:00.000-08:00

VALENTINE'S DAY ROUND THE CORNER . more pfft-ing and eye rolling for me . no offence to all you lovers out there .

i mean i'm in love, but im satisfied with the monthly annis (:

talking about that ...

OMFGOSH ! TEN MONTHS :D heheh .

I AM SOOOOOOOO ENJOYING SCHOOL ! the first day was bloody intimidating but i got over it . let me list my buddies i madeeee & who th fark they are :

shana- s&e, visual arts . courtyard groupie .
shannon&robbie - going out together , english .
dion - visual arts &building and construction .
luke - building & construction
nick - building& construction
georgina - courtyard groupie
courtney - same tute, s&e
heidi - same tute .
kelly - english .
patricia - double period phys ed .
steph - TWILIGHT FAN & courtyard groupie (:
daniel - courtyard groupie .
daniel luck - maths .
jennifer - maths, science & s&e
ashlee - contemporary music
hannah - english
jani&keiran - jani's my bitch ! bahah, coutyard groupie, she's with this yr 11 dudee .

&loads more but i forgot . sorry . bahaha, i know you guys wouldnt give a bloody shitzx but like i'm random (: shana asked me to go crash her date with this guy called nathan , and she told steph to come too , but im too lazy to go tonight . hahha, so mean . &all the courtyard groupies are up fr a movie and hang out tmr, but im such a bumm so i wont go . plus i gotta send my beloved grandparents to the airport .

i had my first building and construction class ystrday! and i'm the only girl among 18 boys . holy motherfarking shitzx, it was intimidating at first but the boys were cool, they were nice but they kept mucking round . irritating like fark . yay ! dion's my best friend now ! he's a boy btw . and luke is hot but such a random pasher =__=

the fag tried to pash me, bahhaa, no offence . but like gave me a hug coz i didnt let him .

YAY, PHOTOGRAPHY ! with mr. jones just now . i just had him ystrdy fr B&C ! he's cool to me but nt other ppl . hahah . im weird . i find him really nice :D

AND THEN I CAN SEE MY OTHER FRIENDS ON SATURDAYY ! i mean at madrasah fr like 10 minutes coz i've gotta send my grandparents off at the airport . & abang and hakim and hadi ! yay !

I MISSS YOU BITCHES ! I MISS YOU LIKE LOADS !

heh, just wanted to let you know .

look at this (:

im random . ooo, i was thinking of curling my hair but like, wtf, i'd look freakishly weird and nowhere near serena-ish ! she's got pretty hair ! hehe . maybe, i'll stick with my scrufy straight hair, dnt knw how tht makes sense .

&i cnt belive sara fcked a 22 yr old before ! yuck . haha, she's cool but like, wth .

& i keep listening to beyonce, katy perry & lady gaga's albums ! :D

random . kk, im bored and i like this song/music vid :

i'm off, blog laters (:

woahh ! i never meant to brag (:

2009-01-31T18:14:00.000-08:00

HELLO MY BITCHES, FAGS, WHORES, GAYS, SLUTS & CUNTS (:
(no offence la sey)
yes, i absolutely adore you blog readers who read my ever retarded blogggg .

i'm bored and its one in th morning . and i'm waiting fr abg farhan to finish getting told off by his mum before we can chat till our fingers hurt from typing . his fingers hurt first coz he uses his mobile which i find absolutely not fairrrrrrrrrrr ! i want a web mobile or smart phone or whatever it is . i feel like changing to vodafone siaaa . im on optus . vodafone is cheaper bt like my dad says th reception is damnn crap . but what do i know ?

i want a camera a pro one . but i'll probably need to beg for one for my bdae . those are like 1000 bucks or maybe i could ask fr a second hand one ! dammit, im soooo into photography and weird music . but i love myself . i want one of those from sony or canon, those humungous big black ones with totally ultra cool features !

WHOOTS, he finally finished . bahhhaahhaha, im chatting to him now ! ehh, abg, i feature you like a hundred times la in my blog . see , i told you im nice ! haha . i'm like building this blog along as the night grows . hah, so it's absolutely totally RANDOM and senseless majority of the time . haha .

# aliyah .™ says: how's th dog ? ahahah

(feebiez world!) farhan-tetris owner! says: i was so scared ey dat its not funny!

# aliyah .™ says: ag scared of dogs ?

# aliyah .™ says: abg *
(feebiez world!) farhan-tetris owner! says: yes! Biasalah..lol

HAHAHA, HE'S SCARED OF DOGS . i was talking bout th dog at his kawan's house . stupid seyy

. &no pictures tonight . coz im using the old slowww desktop . and nt th one outside coz i keep getting nagged at . ok i gt nagged at now . bt nvm . im naughty enough to shrug it off . i just wanna spend my last school hols weekend at its best ya knw . last night i cn sleep late before bloody school starts .

abg farhan gets confused at my life stories . hahha . pretty believable . i pity my romeo . he has to deal with my problems the most . but i love him for it (: pfft, im not gatal with boys . annoying sey farhan . he's still going on about th idea .

sorry if th whole blog is about th guy, coz he's the only one i'm chatting to . oh yeahhs, im too lazy to put up pix on myspace, friendster and all th other spaces i've got . just update my blog with pix is easier .

&now it's abc positions (chatting i mean) .

dont ask . ooo yeahh, i wanna start jamming with hadi ! whooots ! that'd be fun . i think . i guess . okay . weird . unless he wants to cancel :S pfft, but he just mentioned tadi, noo, his mum did . okay next subject .

OMFGGGG, I LOVEEE VINTAGE STUFFSSSSS ! LIKE SERZLY . i'm loving what blair waldorf wears in gossip girl ! and i'm loving the forever new shop here in aus ! gilerrr fushion ahh ! vintage + modern . but the prices leave a humungos hole in ur pocket . lame again .

well, i am already classified lame .

i'm hungry . and so is farhan . haha, he told me to eat but im too lazy to get my butt off the chair . THERE'S NTH IN HIS FRIDGEEE ! hahahah . padan mukeeee .

are your eyes tired from reading ?

ahha, im sorry . im like bored la . im slowly getting sleepy

. .................

ahh, shit i'm sleepy !

hahha, i left th blog thingy for two hours or more i think !

it's 9 minutes till four and i'm still chatting with farhannn ! hahha . longest i've chatted to anyone and also in th middle of the night !

OMG, I LASTED WITHOUT COFFEEEEE ! SHITZX MANN I RULE !

go on reading, i think my tiredness is taking over . &i still need to fix that bloody guitar string of mine . i didnt play guitar fr two months :( im bored la . shitzx . i've got random songs running thru my head and im nt tht ready fr school . okay finished and done . six hours worth of chatting . broke th record fr me . k bye im tired .

i'm never gonna dance again, the way i dance with you .

2009-01-30T19:09:00.000-08:00

3OH3!

JULIET SIMMS

ALEX GASKARTH

careless whisper (george micheal cover)

i'm in loveeeeee with this song !
even if its ancients old !
coz my dad knows it too !
i meant th original .
the cover's brand new (:

i'm so randomm laaa !

anyways, enjoy the song .
i'll update later after i come back from wherever i'm going .
peace && loves .

hello earthlings .

2009-01-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

WHOOTS YESS (!)

i changed my blogskin and customised it ! woohooooo !

so overjoyed . it's gossip girl . ahahhaha . i'll change it again if i'm bothered . i post whatever i post here on multiply, just that it has diff layouts . but i like blogger better (:

check my multiply out ♥
[click on th iconnn]

i'm so random, i could've just given you the link . ahahha .

ARGHHH, SCHOOL IN TWO DAYS . i'm actually looking forward . hahah . the fact that i'm probably going to be a loner doesn't kill, i'll make friends somehow . i'm dreading PE . shitzx mannn . and i'm not used to the idea of change rooms . pfft . i seriously wanna have a look at the theatre (:

OMFG, it's the last summer hols, weekend . it'll probably be fudge-ed up . not th people but what we're doing . i've got hariz's sweet sixteen on sunday . ughhhhh . I WAS GONNA MEET SERIF THEN ! with loads of other people and not alone . so don't worry . people who worry .

i've been watching a heck loads of gossip girl ever since weds . hahha, im up to ep 14 or 15 on season 2 . BAHAHHA, I ROCK !

& serena+dan foreverrrrrr (:

ooo, blair & chuck too !

haha, kk . bored . i'm chatting to farhan now ! yeahh , dude i FEATURED you on my blogg ! cool kan ? see, im so nice . hahha . i've been talking to him fr an hour plus . okay more . im s'pose to call him abg ! hahahahaha . im his adek ? he started it laaaa ! nt me . we've been talking bout th most randomest things . stupid but fun seyy .

i'm also chatting to nurul and nabilah ! bahahha . im boredddd . shit laa . kk i'm gonna continue my stupid chatting .

i love gossip girl (:

haha okay bye .

root of all evil . heh .

2009-01-28T18:32:00.000-08:00

i'm sooooooooooo into PHOTOGRAPHY .

seriously . all i do is snapsnapsnap . i see something i like or it's pretty or whatever, and then my dad ends up having this camera full of random pictures . not that he minds . he enjoys my pictures and apparently my stories . :S

he wants me to write more stories fr him to read . if you don't know what i mean, i mean that i'm a NOT so super english freak who used to love writing stories but can't find the time now .

i can't stop listening to jessica mauboy and demi lovato . weirddddddddddd & oh, i like this song, dead and gone by t.i and justin timberlake (down th bottom ) :D

hmm, back to stories, maybe i should, start writing . i feel like a romance novel coming on . ahaha . like fantasy/romance/action . ooooo .

i'm weird . kk, i'm bored laaa . well let's see what i've got . AHHH, I KNOW . LET'S EMBARRASS SERIF ! bahahhaha .

HE SAID IT WAS A BIRD .
hahaha, imaginary bird, babe .
didn't wanna admit he was posing .
ahha, he's such an ass sometimes .

kk, enough stupid stuffs . i'm off . i'm feeling like snacking on something again . SCHOOL STARTS ON MONDAY . ORSH . stupidddd. it's like starting over again bloody hell . bbyebye .

hellogdbye

2009-01-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

imma kill you guys with pictures now ay (!)

( no edits, too lazy 'coz there's too many )

lancelin&moore river (:

bunbury&places(:

that's nt all . i'll put it up in th next blog post . if i find any . my dad took th pics .

hehe, i've still got th pics frm farhan's house and fireworks frm aus day (:

nice way to kinda end off hols ay .

it was ust pure fun . although i was th one who got bbullied th most . thanks to my flexibility -_-

ahaha, duno what to say ay .

sign off till ltrs .

gd bye .

2009-01-07T01:38:00.000-08:00

S T A R B U C K S (!)

OH-EM-GEEEEEE ! ! ! !

i'm craving fr a frappe frm starbucks . my fave is mochaaaaaaa :)

i remember how i HAVE TO head to starbucks at least twice, sometimes three (in worst cases, five) a week in s'pore everytime, i'm there . my cousin used to moan whenever i mention i wanna stop by starbucks fr a frappe . it's rare for me to sit down and have a chat, i usual have it as take away, coz i don't have the time . the one i went the most two is the one at the corner of tampines mall ! ahahha, it's pretty filled there, which leads me to the long queues , vivocity's too !

i havent stepped into a starbucks in aus yet . bummerrrrrrr . nt much of th franchise here :(

anyways, enough of th crapping bout coffee ay .

someone seems awkwardly distinguishingly similiar to Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl & my being Serena Van Der Woodsen . ahhaa, weirdddd . but true enough .

&you think i'm soooo bloody jeolous of you , what you think ay ? you're sooo damn perfect that people are jeolous of you ? wtf, going against ur own words . sadsadsad story you have . &i've had enough shit frm you mate .

&rmbr, i said kudos/peace . so don't assume things . there's billions of people in the world .

okay, i'll shut up, your eyes probs hurt ay .

; beeeezzkeneezzz .

2009-01-06T04:33:00.000-08:00

HELLO YOU !

i like that pictureee, i dnt know why .

i was photo-bucketing and i saw it :D

it's a painting actually, i dnt knw by who . it's cool . i'm such an ass to my frankie . my guitar i meant . first, i left him in his bag fr th past month, then his string broke and i have yet to fix it . the D string btw .

&oh, uhh, like, i know i'm malfunctioning, ever since i was born, and i've always tried to fix me but, you knw, it doesnt work sometimes, so try and fix me if you find any more malfunctioning distrupting ur silence . coz uhh, all i wanna do about it is agree and NOT ARGUE and repair whatever's malfunctioning .

that means TELL ME IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME . I WONT ARGUE AND I'LL FIX MYSELF . pinky promise (!)

i wish i could move again . country i mean . it's nice starting over again . but i guess i'll get sick of that someday . espacially when you make th wrong choices everytime you have a chance to start over .

ohh, me & my being nostalgic .

anyways , KUDOS x 1000000000000000 to all of yous . it's peace fr me everywhere . im sick of th fights and stuffs .

gdbye .

; BOO YOU ! i rock at guitar heroo !

2009-01-05T00:28:00.000-08:00

I LOVEEEEEE GUITAR HEROOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!! BAHAHHAHA ! & that's th one i havee ^^^^^

but i only bought th solo guitar pack . bummmerrrsss . i want th mic & drums too !

i nvr thought i'd get obsessive over Guitar Hero . . . ahaha . but i did, oh bloody well . i'm on medium btw and working on hard .

okay, i'll stop showing off my madass skills ay . :P

anyways,

i do not knw what to talk about . well, my new school's starting in a month's time . bahhhh ! new school new people ! but i guess i already get th stats since i'm asian ? yeahh, racist pigs . :P

i havent been camwhoring . sadsadsad . &&i want a CAMERA fr my next birthday ! original idea was an electric guitar but one. i'm a sucker at guitar now and two. i can lend off my new school's (:

i should stop talking about myself . very selfish of my lazy ass .

okay, goodbye .

&i'm finding optimism a very lame excuse to hide obvious pessimism .

of mischevious monsters .

2009-01-01T05:33:00.000-08:00

HELLO &

HAPPY NEW YEAR♥

anyways, we had our eve at auntie sukma's function hall . that was . . . funn ? yeahh it was but uhh scandalous too i guess . details too long & personal but uhh, i almost got in trouble with someone .

shit, i'm really sorry . it's so my fault . . . but i got you out of it, i promise .

uhmm, well, we were running around th hotel first, childish but, uhh, reckless too . and then we sat in front of th television, the girls got to watch th fireworks .

&oh, boys, me & ira didnt knw you wanted to go so badly, we would've let you go instead . . . we weren't that interested anyways . bt i guess what is done is done .

then we were all playing around with th whiteboard . apparently, th one faced against th wall where you can't see anything unless you go behind th frikin whiteboard is like some confession board thing . weird but okay . i was half-drunk so i really didnt get what was going on . nono, not really drunk as in alcohol drunk . more like cloud nine drunk but yeahhs .

i somehow did not have time fr pictures . how sad coz i was wearing a skirt . which is a rare sight XD

tht was th eve and today did nothing but went to ira's house fr a bit and of course almost got busted . mums are th only thing that intimidate me you know . . .

i'm in love with jiwang malay songs && i don't know whyyyyy !

here are my two favesss (:

oooo, i rmbred sumthing, i'm like ira's personal HTML/Coding mentor or sumthing . SHE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO WORK HER MYSPACE AND EVERYTHING ELSE, THANKS TO ME . ughhh .

be curious, that helps .

anyways, i'm off . ooo, i'm going to ADVENTURE WORLD next week !

; I'M SO OMFGOSHING HAPPY !

2008-12-31T00:59:00.000-08:00

OMGOMGOMG !

i sound like a deranged woman but i dont care !

i FOUND MY OLD FRIEND ! YAY !!!!!

okay, JOEL ! . frm my old school ! like OHMYFRIKINGOSH !

ahaha, i just started talking to him 10 minutes ago but i have a feeling we'll be good friends (:

okay thats all . goodbye .

; NICKASAURRR ! RAWWR !

2008-12-30T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'M IN LOVE ONCE AGAIN !

ahahas, this new frenzy of electronica taste buds has opened me to th world of hot infamous guys whom are still yet hot . but i'm loving this dude (:

he roars in my ears in th most wonderfullest supercalifragalisticest wayy (:

&oh, he's a omffg singer (: who makes his own songs in his bedroom . YAY !

yes, i make my own words, so what ?! *sticks tongue out*

&&oh, i have to mention that i got called a bitch twice in a day by two different people . hah, i pushed it off and laughed at it . the things they can say . &without enough proof too ? wow . but that's okay, just someday some sense will kick in to them without me having kick to their frikin asses .

&a plan means that somethings are meant to be kept from some people but by telling "some people" , you disrupt th whole plan and th person you imposed th plan on and with . so what's th point in you being in th plan if you're gonna wreck it ? oh wait, th mastermind of th plan trusted you . oh jyeahhs, that was it . then why th fck did you break th frikin trust, mister/miss ?

stuff yous .

okay goodbye i'm done .

&oh, say whatever you want about me, i'll never break my bones because of you . that little speck of hate will go away as time flies by . i'm pretty sure i'm nice enough to you . i guess its bad enough i have to interrupt in your life . but oh well, you can't have th whole world to yourself, cn you ? you're just gonna have to deal with me . i hope you're very satisfied, darlingg .

; campingLOVE .

2008-12-27T23:07:00.000-08:00

hey, i'm back from tht camping thingy & uhh, well, sorry fr nt saying goodbye (:

say thankyou coz i stuffed you with pictures .

well uhh, i'm bored . && iira's here . so hello to her to .

my boyfriend's at a pool party . looking at girls in bikinis . hah, he's not getting away with that though . maybe a slap or two .

okay goodbye , i'm bored .

; my nostalgic desires .

2008-12-23T02:32:00.000-08:00

so, i had a little camwhoring moment while talking to mr. right on the phone . yes , love , i was camwhoring when you were talking to me (:

i think i've had the tendency to blog everyday thanks to the boredom of summer holidays .

&&oh, you might've noticed i've changed th page layout fr th blog . &i was lucky fr th first time in searching blog skins, i took only 5 minutes to find th ones i wanted & decide . miracle .

i've been nostalgic recently, as the long hours of the day leave me to ponder about the past . how i wish everything were the way they were . i regret a lot of things, and i'm missing a lot of people . but i've tried, and i can't ever question myself again whether i should give in more effort to replace all that . i've been hurt & heartbroken & sorrow has filled me in plenty of ways, but there were moments where i can't seem to forget th happiness .

as i've said, i'm putting in a big effort to change . i'm only a quarter through it, maybe less . but i promised, i will change for the better .

&&to all the people that i've lost in my life, well, i'll still be standing at the spot where you left me, different at the most, but i'll still be there . always . awaiting your return and mourning in silent . i've missed all of you . the laughs, the secrets, all of it . i guess i was the one who ruined all that . blame me for the wrong i did, but i do not blame me fr either your stubborness or unwillingness to actually be in my life again .and well, i regret everything i said or did . i mean, sorry doesnt make it up . but you know i've tried, it didn't change your opinions, so there . i guess only time can heal things .

okay, i wasnt even planning to blog about that but there it is .

hmm, i need to brush up on my HTML/Coding skills . anyone there to offer help ? there's websites but i think its best for me to learn when you show it straight to my face .

ohh, umm, bad news, i havent touched my guitar in two weeks . rachel keeps telling me practice makes perfect . but i've always been a lazy ass & uhh, like seriously, i give up easily when it comes to NOT social things .

but yeahhs, i should end this blog post now .

i'm craving for more gossip girl . yes, i fell in love (:

goodbye .

; twist&shout .

2008-12-21T16:37:00.000-08:00

so i started with th overwhelming photos (:

&that was my weekend (:

friday was at the city with th family (smurf t-shirt!) :

hahah, that was funn . just family time, yah knw ? we had iced coffee, chocolate & mocha respectively . we were actually going fr th frappes, bt th frikin blender wasn't working :( my dad drove us rround south perth fr a bit, sightseeing ? :S but yeahs, that was just quality timeeeeee (:

&OH, i bought a bottle of blue nail polishhhh . heh .

saturday was at a wedding in balcatta, harbour town, auntie sukma's & fishing till midnight :

THAT WAS FUNFUNFUNNNN ! omggg ! yeps, so th wedding was a bore, i saw TAUFIK though ! ahah, i was going to say hi but, i thought not to instead . haha . harbour town, i bought a pair of three quarters fr th xmas camping tripp which i'll rant bout ltrrrr . lugged around auntie sukma and played round with nad & dann, they're adorableee (: &OH, as i always say, i want one of each of themm, pretty please ?

so when that was over and done with, we "kidnapped" nadiah to go fishing with th hamkhas (: originally at th E-shed bt it was cold and rainingso we headed to th new habour at mindarie . uncle hafiz, his dad & uncle kamsani joined in as well (: that was pure fun . even though i was like this extra who didnt even knw how to fish . haha . hakim taught me, sorta, but i kinda wrecked it, coz i couldnt pay attention . hehe . sorry, teacher fr nt paying attention :D next time you teach me again, properly, ay , baby ? :P yeahh, we went home just past midnight . nadiah was gonna originally sleep over but her parents got worried so then they picked her up and went . okay, no, they spent like 2 hours talking till 2 in th morning . haha . i was asleep an hour before . but yeahhs, tht was saturdayyy .

sunday was a nice picnic at king's park :

that was THE FUNNEST FUN EVERRRRRRRRRR ! it was like 5 FAMILIES ! hahah . the more th merrier . i was running around, th whole time, okay not really . i was hanging out with kim & oni till ira arrived (: i ate a hot dog, and two pieces of steak . hahah, details much ? i got three kisses on th cheek , thank you very much . &LOADS OF FREE HUGSSSS ! haha, that was funn . i had a go on the swings too . and oh, me, uncle oni & kim's hangout place was a humungous log, ahhah, that was funny . and someone was being mean to meeee :P with th whole nickname stuffs . all th kids were like stuck in th carpark coz th parents were discussing some stuffs about road trips to busselton and yeahhs . so then we went homeee (:

OH ROAD TRIPS . well, i'm going camping for xmas, ira was gonna come but plans changed and kim just MIGHT be coming instead , that'd be funn . th place is just further down margaret river . i forgot what its called, its either, thursday to friday or thursday to saturday, not so sure . and oh, we're doing a lil fishing . and i think i'm gonna die, coz i have to save power fr my psp, like 5 HOURS HAS TO LAST 48 OR 72 HOURS !!!!!! ughh . & my phone, i'll probs have no signal anyways, bt i need entertainment . how suckish is that . ughh, surrounded by NATURE ?! what ?! okay, its cool and everything but not used to it . it'd be much better if i had more company, aka hakim comes along . YOU SEE THAT, I WANT YOU TO COMEE !

and th busselton thing, THAT'S TWO BUSES FULL OF PEOPLE ! haha, nt really, coz think we're renting a bus and bringing a car along ! yay ! i'm gonna be in th bus th whole timee ! i hope . ugh, i do not wanna take turns . that's gonna be funn ! we're spending a night there . same people from th picnic is coming except for auntie aniss's family . FUNN I TELL YA ! i can't wait !

yup, summer holidays are DA BOMBBB ! :D

but, i still have to worry about that new school .

OMFG . im in love with ELECTRONICA & GOSSIPGIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay,i'm in love with 3oh!3, nickasaur, stereo skyline, amy can flyy, the medic droid & loads of other stuffs .
but really i'm dead in love with Fer Sure & Fscene8 both by Medic Droid .

go listen on youtube, i'm too lazy to post .

&no, i don't know, why my flash fetish does not work on my computer anymore . so gayy that way . anyways, yeahhs . i'm sorry if your eyes hurt, not my fault ay .

and also, sorry if you get confused with what's going on with me and that guy over thr , haha, figure out who he is, you can determine our relationship by observations . have funn with th puzzle (:

& really please just excuse me if you have a problem with what you figured out, i can't stay away from him, make me then . you can try, you won't succeed but if you're a little tad of a challenger , go ahead and try (:

have fun with that too .

OMFG, i only had a kitkat, a chocolate gold coin and drank water, ever since i woke up today and i didnt eat dinner ystrday andth last thing i ater properly was a hotdog at th picnic, 24 hours ago . wow, my tummy can stand it . i just didnt feel like eating . but i guess, your opinion might differ thought, so whatever .

okay, goodbyes, my fingers are achiing and i'm hungry .

; oh wow, i never thought .

2008-12-19T00:24:00.000-08:00

OMFG . i'm almost finished watching gossip girl season one .

i was in love with it from the very first episode (:

okay, im going to rant about it & twilight th whole blog, maybe three quarters, so if you dnt wanna knw, dnt read (:

anyone watch it ??? okay, anyone ALLOWED to watch it and actually watches it ?

coz i think it might be another one of my obsessions next to twilight . but i do notice loads of people favoring Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford) when i'm actually loving Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) . weird .

and i'm thinking Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) is a bitch, and i like Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively) better .

here's who i'm talking about :

what if we were in that kinda life ?

"Gossip Girl revolves around the lives of socialite teenagers growing up on New York City's Upper East Side who attend elite academic institutions while dealing with ..., drugs, jealousy, and other issues."

yeah, that's what th whole commotion is about , it's kinda like bold&beautiful but teen version ? and less complicated . i never liked these kinda things but, i like gossip girl . and i think that's my only exception .

because, all my life, the closest thing i've ever liked on tv to gossip girl and actually enjoyed, is friends .

yup, that's th closest . my tv life is surrounded by criminal minds & CSI, and maybe a little of gray's anatomy .

but this :

along with this :

is my ultimate number one obsession .

for now .

that reminds me, i am in love with Clair De Lune by Debussy .

just as i'm in love with Bella's Lullaby by Carter Burwell .

so, i will end off with those lovely classicals (:

goodbye .

; let's just take this route instead .

2008-12-18T16:44:00.000-08:00

hey !

i've had the most overwhelming past to days i've ever had . i absolutely and inceredibly have enjoyed the delights of what has happened yet . . . somehow putting myself in the path of self-discovery yet again .

have you guys ever had moments where you think about yourself ? you ponder what you have done wrong . trying to find conclusions and change yourselves but really, only barely trying to attempt your actions to change or never even have an attempt at all .

i've had plenty of those "selfish" thoughts and tried to change myself, but only barely trying . but this time, i find it more motivational, different . and with support , which i highly appreciate .

thankyou, for everything that you've done & made me realise . as i always say, i really do not deserve you or any of your adoration and care . but you stick by my side anyways .

i've made a promise to myself to change my ways, from this day on, i'm not the same .

&i'll be making one to that person i mentioned (:

it's not really a matter of deliberate changes, it's only the little things .

&sometimes, it's not even my own fault . i get the fact that not everyone has the same perspective . and once i do or say something, what i was meant to convey differently, may seem very wrong to everyone else .

it's only a matter of misunderstanding . yet people typically bring matters to their worst .

here's a little advice (which i am NOT saying in sarcasm .) listen carefully and think about what that person has to say before rebounding back with negative thoughts and comments .

if you're really not sure what the person is trying to say, ask again . and you might just be thankful for doing that

you might think it's a highly stupid habit and a little nosy (maybe a lot) but, i have a high tendency of wanting to help people in need . even if they don't ask for it . and then, people think i'm being a big busybody .

i'm not, if you're a great observer, you will notice that i will ask the most discreet questions, one that will not make you feel that you've told me a secret .

i'm sincere when i say i want to help or give advice . it's just one of my many traits that i have yet to control .

i am not whatsoever, a nosy person . you may ask the ones closest to me, i have not once ever been nosy . maybe once or twice on childhood terms, but that is all .

also, some of you think i'm a liar . yes, i might have to lie sometimes when things get desperate, bbut that's only when needed . i tell the truth most times . and don't excuse me of being a faulty hypocrite . look at yourselves first .

also, i sometimes think i'm always right, for some reasons i do not know . but i promise i will contain myself .

and there are so many other things to say , but that's only me and that one person . i can't disclose anymore .

so, i beg of you to understand and have my sympathy .

bacause you might just end up on that path of self discovery instead (:

; yes, no or maybe . i'm not so sure .

2008-12-17T05:32:00.002-08:00

; yes, no or maybe . i'm not so sure .

2008-12-17T05:32:00.001-08:00

&yes, we do like our McD's .

2008-12-16T20:32:00.000-08:00

here are a few snaps&edits from mondayyyy (:

uncle oni slept over ever since sunday . so then, we had our evenings walking through the park/beach and had a little snack at McCafe's . muffins&coffee . tea at around half past seven is the most unusual thing but hey, it was yumm (:

&so that was my monday evening . i had plenty of fun . it wasn't enough to entirely distract me from what i'm thinking of nowadays 24/7 .

i can't seem to figure myself out, and you want me to forget this . &i cant lie that i my obsession for you is over, when the plain eye can see it so well . it only seems that everything around me is giving me a piece of romance, in any form . like a middle finger right in my face when i'm pissed . i dont know if it makes sense . bt its like a huge taunt to me that i cant heal by myself . love hurts . but, that's okay .

There is no remedy for love, but to love more .
- David Foster .

i'm enjoying my moviess (:

2008-12-16T01:24:00.000-08:00

spent the day lugging around really .

i'm finding the long holidays a huge bore as i haven't been out much . here's my routine : get up, wash up, computer, have a shower, call people, a movie or two or maybe three, wait for parents to come home, computer, dinner, television, have a chat with family . and yup, that's all i do .

i'm so TWILIGHTobsessed that it's scary . not as scary as ira, whom can't sleep at night thinking about edward (who's mine) . WHO'S WITH ME ? twilightOBSESSED i mean (: and oh, i've always been in love with paramore but now that's getting obsessive too . heh .

omfg . i'm heading for a new school next year and well, that's plain scary . nono, my fellow singaporeans , it ain't the same . the clubbing, the smoking, the gangs . all so frightening but i guess as long as i make friends with good people, it won't hurt as much . but the people who promised me that they'll help me through this and will tell me if any differences occur, please keep that promise .

and oh, have a mentioned my love for everything romance now ? pfft, just because my love story didn't work out . . . *sigh* i know people keep telling me to forget everday, it's just so difficult to accept that plain fact that . . . well, it's the end . i still try, and no, i can't stop . sometimes, i wish some things never happened .

i've so far watched (reruns that is) :
The Notebook
Ayat2 Cinta
What Happens in Vegas
Twilight
A Walk To Remember
Just My Luck

and other cheesy stuffs . see, this is how lovesick i get . no, i don't show it, because then it'd be just ugly and desperate . [ and yes, love, i want you back . ]

okay, wow, im bored .

goodbye, im pretty silent now and i'm HUNGRRRRYYYYYY ^

; &i'm back .

2008-12-15T01:18:00.000-08:00

hello my lovelies once again .

i'm back and not all that well, i'm sorry to say . all my missing events and dates are all on my MULTIPLY page . if you're absolutely bored and curious , go ahead and have a read . i've had so many changes happen, it's kinda to quick for me to cope . but anyways, i'll be blogging in blogger again and of course still remain in multiply . i find myself a too lazy person to upload photographs on blogs, which people yearn to see instead of endless words . i'll buck up and try to upload them anyways since its the holidays and i've got plenty of time to spare . i hope at least someone's reading my blog . i find it inevitably lonely here , nonetheless my leaving temporarily for multiply .

i've survived plenty of HEARTBREAKS but that's okay . i'll blog more when i actually have something to blog about (:

; stranger .

2008-10-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

now we're strangers .
i can't believe what you said .
it's not the same anymore .

i've lost fight .
my fight for you .

had it been a mistake ?

i don't get this heartbreak .
please tell me why i'm still here .
you meant the world to me .
why did you have to go ?

i can't stand the silence .
the memories flooding back .

you were my refuge .
you were my angel .

i can't say how much you meant to me .
it's to much to bare .

i don't get this heartbreak .
please tell me why i'm still here .
you meant the world to me .
why did you have to go ?

you said you were sorry .
oh, that's a lie .

i fell back in your arms .
you threw me aside .

i don't get this heartbreak .
please tell me why i'm still here .
you meant the world to me .
why did you have to go ?

why did you have to go . . .

okay, another song .

somehow , my creative juices are up and working .

wonder what triggered my very very hopeless brain ?

; maybe so .

2008-10-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

i cant pretend anymore .
you dont know how much i need you .

i cant see your face without remembering what we shared .
i couldn't care less if i was in another world .

now we're strangers .
it's not the same .

i can't stand this silence .
i can't stand the pain .
wont you just take me away ?

someone tell me that i'm dreaming .
this is one of those nightmares where i cant wake up .
losing you all over again
is my definite fear .
your my beautiful disaster .
i want you here .

you despise me
i love you .

i'll continue it soon .
cheers .

; hellos, i'm back !

2008-10-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

HELLO MY LOVELIES !

i'm back in australia .

bummer fr you haters right ? hah .

i'm dying to see you guys . omfg . it's been freakin 3 weeks since i've been here . three whole long weeks .

okay i'll shuddup bout that .

oooo, you guys should watch What Happens In Vegas , with Ashton Kutcher (hawtness) & Cameron Diaz .

it's funny .

i've been wanting to read Nicholas Spark's books lately . they're all so . . . mushy gushy romantic types .

which i am in th mood fr right now .

i'm posting another song up of my own now .

tc .
sorry fr th really short blog entry . i suck at blogging now.

this is my melody ; hear the poetry .

2008-10-14T00:38:00.000-07:00

it's like the still silence of noise .
when you say my name .

it's not the same .
i think you know .

i used to know you so well .
are you my stranger now ?

it might kill me to forgive .
yet maybe it's worth it .

the truth is hidng in your eyes .
and i think i know .

i can't defend what's mine
if you keep fighting for lost .
i can't say your name
if it's such a wordless desire .
what's yours is mine .
or does that not count anymore ?

i hold on to this .
your letting go .
i think i know .

your the beautiful disaster to my perfection .

is it all gone ?
i'm not here for you .

it's my feelings that pull me back to your ocean .
it's my fear of falling that bring me to your caution .

so now you know .
now i know .

i can't defend what's mine .
if you keep fighting for lost .
i can't say your name .
if it's such a wordless desire .
what's yours is mine .
or does that not count anymore ?

how do i figure this out ?
it's not my place, not anymore .

i'm in the realm of insanity .
i held my hand out
but would you take it ?

i can't defend what's mine .
if you keep fighting for lost .
i can't say your name .
if it's such a wordless desire .
what's your is mine .
or does that not count anymore ?

there is something hidden in this wordless game of heartbreak .

so what did you think of it ?
my new song that i thought of ten minutes ago .
no title yet .

these things just pop out of your head, don't they ?
now, i have to find the riffs :D

enjoy !

; didn't i tell you ?

2008-10-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

how did we get here ?
when i used to know you so well ?

i think i know .

we're gonna make such fools of ourselves .

the truth is hiding in your eyes
and it's hanging on your tongue .

how can i defend what's mine
when your always taking sides ?

it's not the same .
can't you be a man about it ?
if your a man at all .

there is something in you
that might kill me .

i want it to be true .

; i'm going to have that plane waiting .

2008-10-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

hellos my dears .

wow, i'm back tomorrow ! the next day !

i haven't been home fr nearly a month . i'm missing you guys badly . though, i'm reluctant to head back . s'pore's wonderful and i'm enjoying everything .espacially the people .

but yeah, i guess, home's the place to be .

i'll be seeing some of you on friday ; the rest on saturday .

and when i get back , umm, i might be a little different . well, maybe . depends on your pov .

personality wise ? *shrugs*

and then today's goodbye to everyone day fr me . it's suckish .

i hate goodbyes ; good or bad .

a few new bands have popped up on my favourite lists . fronted by girls :D
VersaEmerge and Ruefue are a big hit fr me .

The Authors - VersaEmerge

well, couldn't find ruefue though . sorry .

sounds kinda like paramore in a way . ouh, that reminds me .

Decode [High Quality] - Paramore

it's going to be on the twilight soundtrack ! yay ! it really defines the first book/film .

who wants to watch the movie with me ?? haha . i'm psyched about it .

anyways, i have to pack up . so, i'll see you guys soon .

; oh wow, i've ran out of things .

2008-10-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

HEEEELLLLLLOOOOWW !

oh wow, i'm weirdweirdweird .

ANYWAYS .

so, last time i blogged ; library, fiqah etc .

now, that was on tuesday .

which was . uhh. long ago. so i'm NOT recapping on everything , since im a lazy sport.

plus i'm no show-offy whore :D

so let's recap ystrday and today

ystrday ; nm.

jln2 raya with family then stopped by vivo .

i ALMOST got my nike airforce . heh . but i decided to get it over in aus instead .

thenthenthen todayyyy .

umm, me ; being the nicestnicestnicest sister in the WORLD. brought my sis out to tampines mall .

and not knowing that i brought $100+ with me .

arfah came along too.

so i shopped and shopped and shopped . i ended up spending $80 . well, i spent my money on converse bag, accesories , hairspray (yes i know, wtf) and a little something for someone (:

now, let's keep that confidential.

so yeahyeahyeahs .

i've been a veryveryvery bad blogger nowadays .

bad grammar, weird language/definitions, freaky format .

oh well , i guess that's what makes it unique ?

okay, just excuse the craziness . and now im just ranting .

kk, shutting up right about now .

; let's count flowers instead.

2008-10-07T23:57:00.000-07:00

helloHELLOhello .

ohh, sorry ; excuse the retardedness.

let me post pics frrm TM ; off sunday (:

okay, its just two, but hey.

okay now monday ;

it was nothing really. just followed arfah to meet her boyfriend zul. so then, it became a makeout session with me being calefare. ugh. i was being a camwhore before i went (:

i look like i'm stepping minah. hahas . wtf.

i slept over her house too.

then came tuesday ;

which was funFUNfun ! i met fiqah (: she's coolios, bayybehh ! we were hanging out in the tampines library with her, her boyfriend and his friends and arfah and me. that was fun. we were making noise. then we step bace buku the n after kene halau. hahas. here's the library pics.

fiqah's hair was wet coz she had a making out session with her boyfiee at sunplaza across th road then it was raining heavily and they ran across.

cute or what ? so the veryvery jeolous.

haha, so that's all the pics i've got for now. i've got more but then i'll be stuffing up the whole thing (:

so then, arfah went of with zul for her making out session at sunplaza. then i went with fiqah, her bf, and friends to tampines mall. we came across rauf at McD's. deja vu much ?

he was with squap(faris) and jerry. they were... playing around, you could say ?

wth.

then we were just walking around, not doing anything in particular. we even walked in toy stores (:

then it was just me and fiqah. we walked round and round just waiting for arfah to call when she's done.

fiqah went home and it was surreal me ; waiting for arfah to get her butt to the interchange where i was waiting for her.

i saw kak iqa then just the quick hello/goodbye thing.

okay, so that was my tuesday in very low definition. coz im not bothered typing. heh.

see you people on the 15th, for those in perth (:

xoxo.

; once bitten, twice shy .

2008-10-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

ohh wowowow.

heeh.

delightful day today (:

cheers to all of youuuu. anyways.

okay, me & haikal were contemplating whether to go out with arfah since she had a curfew up till two & it was already 11.30.

bangbangboom. it was 12.30 by the time the three of us met.

heh, i have weird definitions.

yeahh so then, we headed to tampines mall.

we were damnn thirsty and arfah's voice was getting hoarse and rough. hohoho. so we headed to McD's bayybehh. heh. and bought two regulars ; iced lemon tea for moi and iced milo for my lovely. haikal...hah, he went straight for the McChicken.

then he wanted to get a bag from 77th Street ; so we went there and we spent waiting for him for like half an hour. holy jeebers, that guy can bloody hell shop.

&guess what. bengap sak dier ; in the end he got a cap. a CAP. singular. pfft.

wasting our time much ? but nevermind. i only see him a couple of days in a year, so whatever.

then we were supposed to meet arfah's boyfiie & his two friends ; which we did. okay, are guys in s'pore getting more kentalan or what ? irritating sak.

anyways, we met them just outside the interchange across TM. holy shyt, mate. arfah was trying to hook me up with his friend.. -__-

which ALMOST work. if only i was SINGLE which i am proud that i am NOT.

what's with the caps ?

scandal muchh ? heh, but why would i decline ?

so then we were walking. okay. we & them. meaning

arfah&zul
me&haikal.

damnn, irritating mate. she goes off with her BOYFRIEND and i'm stuck with my cousin ? lame ass. both of zul's friends went ahead.

we headed to the arcade. TIMEZONE. gay or what ? but the boys wanted to soo...yeah.

and that slumber of a guy wants to kenal2 me but he's shy ? wat th farkkk. i got flattered at first but serzly, klau nak hit, jgn malu uhh, leh naik bingit siot.

i got kinda pissed and fed up. but got calmed down after. all the guys syiok sendiri, main game. arfah was up for a daytona usa race with me but i declined ; i said to her, i'll win hands down. hahaha.

thanks to my expertise with need for speed : own the city ??? lameeee.

AND GUESS WHAT. he berkenan with ME, zul's friend. meeeee !!! ugh. like literally.
holy shitters. i could've slapped his face right there and there but i'm such a POLITE lady. pfft.

&he wants to meet me tomorrow. alone. and now i have to find a polite way to decline and tell him im happily TAKEN. tak tau malu ; arfah said he's got a queue of FIVE girls after him.

that ticked me off, GET ONE OF THEM, WILL YOU. not me.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ! he was discussing ME to arfah and arfah told him to talk to me and he said
"dier jambu tapi aku malu"
"she's cute"

fark uhh. merepek sak. say it to my face, gentleman. pfft.

but i gotta admit he's hawwt. hoho. dah marah2, pastu admit hot. merepek sak aku.

and he did talk to me ; sorta. asking me typical questions (i.e where you from etc).

and he told me to sit next to him, on SEPERATE chairs, which i did.

layan2 jer la. asl dier bahagia.

okay, that all happened before three thirty . plans changed. arfah's curfew got extended.

then i had to go ; zul's friend was like giving me signals to CALL him ; i gave in a fake smile. and said bye.

seriously, it's all cute and everything but...NO. i cant. i dont want to. never. :D

see, i'm faithful and loyal. *high-fives*

okayy, my auntie+mum picked me and haikal up afterwards at the taxi stand to jalan raya. i changed in the car ; just my top. with haikal LOOKING THE OTHER WAY. ugh.

then we went to three houses in total.

that was my day for today (:

met a guy who's in love with me at first sight ?
played in the arcade.
saw my cousin snuggle up to her boyfriend.
waited while haikal shopped.
and jalan raya.

wow. okay anyways, my mum is headed to kuala lumpur during the week. im not going ; i'll be sleeping over arfah's. and hopefully, i WILL NOT bump into Mr. ilikeherbuti'mtooshy guy. pfft.

okay, it's half past eleven, i wanna go get some shuteye.

and i saw your pics during raya in perth. you stooopidssss. make me jeolous, raya here so slumber sia. tk hiburan sangat.

anyways, i'm missing you guys loads and i lovelovelove you :D

&ohh, i'll be back on the FIFTEENth not the 10th. so...yeah. extra five days....

xoxo.

baby, i miss you loads.
love you always.

; ohh, hello. i guess i'm back (:

2008-10-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

HELLO !!

i didn't blog ever since...tuesday ?

haha, sorry.

first, it was because of raya & second, the internet was down on the desktop & seriously, i'm not really bothered getting the laptop out. heh.

okay, i've got a whirlwind to tell you guys.

if i can remember. stm's nt a good thing to suffer from :P

first day of raya, hiburan of the century (:

well, everyone. practically, EVERYONE came over my auntie's place to visit my grandma (:
that was funn. i'm not going into details ; that'll be...suffering my fingers to ultimate endless typing.

heh. melodramatic.

okay, the second day of raya ;

went to my dad's side. umm, four houses in total (:

now the third day of raya ;

well, it wasn't really raya. heh.

hopefully, no adult who knows my parents will read this....

okay, so me & my cousin, arfah told our parents we were going to tampines mall to our parents with haikal.

but obviously, that's an ultimate bore of a place so we planned to go to ViVo City instead which we did.
haikal didnt show up. humph.

anyways, we arrived at four ; yes, late, i know.
ohh well, we had long john silver and we talked and ate for an hour.

then we went to the skypark, well really, just the rooftop. then we were camwhoring for like 45 minutes. hahahahaha.

we're such syiok sendiris sometimes ; that was fun though. like to the maxx (:

then we singgah starbucks ; i got my mocha frappuchino :D
heh.

then we decided to go to wak amin's house after ; my mum tole me and her to reach there before eight and meet them all there, which we did.

we were the only ones there with kak amalina then we were lugging round her room and messed round with her straightener. we were watching friends but i reckon that was season three.

well, then everyone else came then kak amalina + my fam + wak yah + kak ira went to fetch kak iqa & abg wan then we headed to the cash ktv (:

we were screaming our lungs out ; that was funnnnn.

then we headed to jalan kayu to makan. till four in the morning (:

i woke up at eleven coz there were visitors. i'm still kinda tired but hyper still ?

anways, i'll blog more okay.

&haikal's sleeping over today. ughh, the dude's beating me, he's getting taller. okok, yeah so he's a year older, that should happen.

xoxo.
love always.

; raya's eve :D

2008-09-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

hellos !

i'm excited for tomorrow (:

abg wan's family & wak nisa's are here for the eve, getting all the preparations ready.

as much as i miss home, i didn't have raya in singapore ever since '05.

okay, i'm sounding so gay but i JUST CAN'T FRIKIN WAIT !

everyone's busy with something. wow, it's really just nice bustleness.

though i'm missing home dearly.

*sigh*

some people yonder on others actions
; you contemplate on how to show them
i contemplate on how to respond

it doesn't make sense anymore
that i'm bothered with you
because, i'm sure you're tired of me

truth is, i need you next to me.
but your not answering my call.

a little rendition of my friction with a certain someone.

i find writing those short verses thing, interesting. somewhat poetic. weird.

anyways, i'm hoping you guys enjoy your raya. i'm plenty sure some of you guys will be extremely delighted i'm gone. gone to not residue you away from the opposites and not to snatch you away from your fantasies.

ohh, that'll be my raya gift to you. appreciate it, will you ?

enjoy it while you can, because i'll be back (:

&to those that are dearly missed, I MISS YOU SO MUCH ! that i would kill for a plane ride back or either to bring you here, well, you pick. heh.

okay, till here.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA
MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN (:

xoxo.
love always.

; hello, things changed again.

2008-09-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

things are different between us now.

yet i think we're mending up.

the past means nothing now

however i wish it does.

all those memories

swept up in the closet

were those moments wasted ?

or were they just for the keepsake of the lonely mind ?

i'm sorry for the recklessness i've caused to you.

and i hope you are too for the hurt yo've caused me.

the weeping of tears that come.

it's not my fault that i'm imperfect

and i'm sure it's not yours that your imperfect too.

we're only human.

and i respect that.

the present ; my goal.

i can't tell you how delighted it is to have you back.

with the rough road in the way.

i know we'll make it work.

it's a matter of minumum time and a number of imperfections.

the jokes and laughter will residue.

and will not exist in this longrun

though it has before.

whatever it is, it doesnt matter.

i've fixed you up.

&you've fixed me.

; let's chase the racing cars in the night.

2008-09-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

okay hello again.

let's see sunday.

well stayed at home fr th morning. then we headed to ViVoCity in the afternoon. dila & kak iqa gt baby-G watches. humph, i want one too. then we looked fr dila's raya shoes. she gt what she wanted.

then we headed to toys r us. heh.

didn't spend much time there. then we picked up abg wan at his house and headed home. he was craving fr the spaghetti my mum was dwelling up fr iftaar :D

we all had iftaar.

murtabak, spaghetti bolognes & baked potato + bandung. yumyumyum.

it was a spare half hour till the baked potato was ready after finishing our plates of spaghetti. no one wanted to get up and wash the plates and waited fr the spaghetti. not to mention, abg wan. haha. he couldn't wait. he had a craving fr western food that night ? i guess.

oh, the last F1 race was on tv, so we watched it as well. ooo, first night race in the world as well :D

Masso was in the lead fr the first few rounds with Hamilton second. then while getting geared up, he drove off while his crew was still filling up fuel ; making him being one of the last chaps to win. i forgot his name but this guy frm south africa got into a crash and was disqualified.

swerve turn then did a 360 and crashed into half against the wall. the guy was wasn't injured.

due to both events, Rosberg took lead with Alonso second. Hamilton was in eighth place slowly building up from eighth to sixth to fifth to fourth to third ; finalising his concluded position. Alonso gained the lead position, making Rosberg second with Hamilton remaining in third.

positions did not change untill all sixty one laps were finished. it was a fairly good race.

check defined results here :
http://www.formula1.com/results/season/2008/801/

stupid. i wanted Lewis Hamilton to win. ugh. but he was good throughout. pfft, i can be such a guy sometimes with the whole formula one thingy. heh.

okay, it's tuesday & tomorrow's HARI RAYA !

selamat hari raya to you all & maaf zahir & batin (:
hope you guys have a nice raya in perth.

well, i'll update probs on thurs.

xoxo.

; i forgot you lived.

2008-09-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

i thought you meant something to mr.

it's not the same anymore.

you said you cared.

hey, that was long ago.

but those words felt like they could last forever.

ohh, how i regretted to leave with only trust.

ordered around

thought by fullfilling

you were satisfied with me

like a servent with the master.

i was wrong.

you didn't take a second glance.

it was distant in your memory.

when asked, it was denied.

forgotten.

time, effort wasted.

lucky for me

it was a simple obstacle.

time after time

you used.

i got hurt ; oblivious

you got away with it.

trecherous, devious murder on the inside.

you thought i could get trampled over

over and over

yes, how i could.

but you did not know how well

i could stand up after that

stand up to the pain

stand up to the hurt

stand up to manipulation

stand up to you.

so now you know how i feel

your nothing but a distant memory.

somthing i'm willing to erase for the rest of my life.

whether i fail or succeed.

you'll never trample over me again.

like my little dramatic rendition ?

pfft.

whatever.

enjoy having a read and get distraught by the melodramaticness (:

; another's over & rev up for 14 more.

2008-09-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

hello again.

here ; an absolute breeze.

there ; hectic as hell.

but i seriously can't figure out why i'm itching to get my arse on that qantas flight and head home. i'm missing everyone and it's been less than a week.

though, i'm glad to NOT be surrounded by SOME people. boy, i sound kiddish. the whole "eww-i-dont-like-you" factor. but a girl needs to getaway from her nightmare. okay well, saturday's ongoings.

woke up at about 11. spent the morning syncing songs to my auntie's iphone & chatting to hakim. aww, he misses me (:

i stayed home fr the whole day. all the cousins were suppose to come and have iftar. which they did (:

spent the time lepak-ing with the cousins.

then at about 10, the "older" cousins (nt all) went to mcdonalds, east coast. hah, supper you might say ?

7 girls + 1 guy. haha. everyone fit in the 7-seater toyota wish.

that was ultimately funn. we gt back by 11. couldn't stay long, some of them had to head home.

i was tired so i went to sleep after.

&that was my saturday (:

oo, i had a haircut ! pfft, hairdresser reckons i look like a rockstar ? hoho, how awkwardly flattering ? it's just heavily layered. heh.

okay, i can't wait to go home.

byebye.

; her adventures... so far.

2008-09-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

hello again.

blogging from beloved s'pore.

yes, some people read blogs for the pictures.

well, pictures say a thousand more things than words do. most times.

though, however unfortunate it is, i will have to go on with this without them. i forgot to bring the cable fr my k800i, so i have to wait till i can borrow it off someone. okay, back to the events.

arrived wednesday morning. literally morning. 3 am, people. my auntie was thinking of sahur outisde but headed back to her place instead to get some shuteye. the flight was irrevocably uncomfortable. tiger airways...stupid.

lucky we're headed back home with qantas.

anyways, spent 3/4 of that same weds at home. then we headed to white sands to get abg wan a cake fr his 18th. wow, i nvr noticed he's already that old. no one knew we came back so we decided to have iftar at his place.

my auntie knocked on the door first then went in. we waited for a spare five minutes then we knocked. &BAM. were they surprised (:

okay, i'm starting to sound highly gay.
whatever.

hah, buka puasa KFC & roti kirai. yumyumyum.

reached home at 12. kak iqa followed us home & slept over.

the next day. thursday.

i didn't wake up for sahur, too tired. headed to wak nisa's house to visit my lil cuzzies. spent about two hours there. was supposed to pick up kak ira then head to johor, but she passed the offer instead. she was tired from working the night before.

so we headed to johor without her.
went to putrajaya and shopped for awhile. watched a movie, money no enough 2. it's this s'porean film by jack neo. it's funny & meaningful at the same time ? we headed to the ground floor after that and went to jusco to get some groceries. it was 6.30 by the time we finished. my auntie had reserved a table for us at the pan pacific to have our iftar. and we were late. heh, bad time management.

well, we reached there at 10 past 7. it was a buffet dinner and we stuffed ourselves full. hey, it was a personal delight. which of course means, a bad result. i wasn't too stuffed neither was kak iqa but eveyone else was. heh. my auntie, kak iqa & adilah went across to city square to get some stuff then we paid for the buffet. RM393 for six people. but it was half that in SGD so it was reasonable.

filled up the fuel. then we headed home after that. i slept the whole way through (:

well, that was my two days in s'pore. ohh yeahh, i'm having my haircut today at three in the afternoon. yay ! heh.
guilty pleasure.

i'll see you guys soon.
love you always.

&i'm travelling 2107 nautical miles tonight.

2008-09-23T00:27:00.000-07:00

hello, my lovelies.

i'm flying off tonight.

can you believe it ?

TONIGHT.

i think you get the point. time flies by so fast that...i don't even notice.

this is my final goodbye before i leave off for Singapore. i'll be sure to update my blog when i arrive though not as often, i'll be busy (:

hmm, i doubt i'll be able to post pics up during my stay ; time is of the esscence.

two weeks+4days there might seem long but time goes by fast in s'pore, don't you reckon ?

*sigh*

wish i could spend my raya here though. fr deliquent reasons of course.

here's my itinery (so far) :

1. Meet Andrea+Jolene+friends.
2. Meet Benjamin+friends.
3. Go KTV-ing.
4. Cut+Dye my hair.
5. Satisfy my shopping list.
6. Meet Arfah+friends.
7. Spend majority of my time with relatives.
8. Make the most of Raya.

i was thinking of going jalan raya with my peeps but... i don't think i have the time. i'm only doing the favour of meeting them as i didn't see them fr nine months. i'll be spending most of my time with family this time round. somehow, the little delight of freedom from roaming around the country with my friends is not so favourable anymore. the warmness of the family sums up to what i want this time.

okay one last thing.

I'LL MISS YOU GUYS
I'LL MISS YOU GUYS
I'LL MISS YOU GUYS

esp. my kakak & my syg...

xoxo
loving you always.
..aliyah..

; my love story.

2008-09-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

i love you too.

these violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire & powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume.

Romeo&Juliet, Act II, Scene VI

beautiful&meaningful.
yet so easy to portray.

; final destination. metaphorically (:

2008-09-22T02:51:00.000-07:00

i feel happy yet sad.
insane yet secure.

either way, my heart races rapidly.
i'm not ready.
but i want it so bad.
it's not the time yet
for me to fly off.

i can't emphasise enough
on how unready i feel.
the jitters are just coming.

whatever it is i say, will not change a thing.

time.
that little irritating thing.
yet so beautiful.

maybe not little, huge.
huger than us.

well, that plane's waiting for me tmr night.
&i'm going.
ready or not.

it hasn't even occured to my brain
that i need to pack with less than 24 hours away.

singapore's going to be an extreme delight.
but, i don't feel any enthusiasm in me.

everything's entirely disorganised.
i'm feeling sick.
&i'm not ready.

; sorry's never enough.

2008-09-20T05:08:00.000-07:00

ever felt like you have done something absolutely wrong ?
a million times ?
it hurts to know that
it was your fault.
your regret.
your misery.

you want to reverse time.
to stop whatever it was you did.

you want everything the way it was.
back in accordance.
back in order.
perfect.

but i'm sure you know that nothing was or will be
utterly perfect.
so, at least try to make it better than it is.
seek for forgiveness.
you did your part if you do.
you wait for the other party to proceed with theirs
by being merciful towards you.

but i'm sure 8 out of 10 times
forgiveness is a mere hope.
a faint light in the darkness.

but you're certain
that if you do your part.
a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

so seek what i say.
right your wrong.
a trial of mistakes
is what it takes to near perfection.

alrighties.

my apologies, people.

if i ever done anything wrong to you.

anything at all.

im seriously sorry.

to everyone.

cheers.

&counting the days ; it's not so bad.

2008-09-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

HOHOHO.
im high now.
jokings.

okay, here's my lovelyy saturday, shall we ?

slept at 12 midnight the night before.

insomiatic, i tell you, it took me half an hour lying on my bed before i could shut down.
then, woke up at 6.30 a.m.

no, i didnt wake up fr sahur.
heh.

washed up & bathed. straightened my hair as that's what boredom allows me to do. lugged in front of the television at 7.45 in the morn while everyone was alsleep. everyone woke up. played around with the com. got ready fr madrasah and headed there at 15 past 10. arrived 20 minutes late but whatever. had the quran reading quiz thingy. texting hakim half the time, heh. umm, mum got me & aniss (adilah stayed home to finish her assignment) & we headed to Karrinyup to buy stuff. i got the first book of the second series in the Gossip Girl series.

when i was suppose to get the PREQUEL to Gossip Girl. stupid laaa. gt the wrong one & coudnt be bothered to exchange it.

i was Cinderella fr like a split second. pfft. had to look fr shoes fr raya. &no, shopping's nt my thing, honey.

then met Auntie Nani & Nabilah at Lakside. spent 2 hours there ?
bought chocs fr our cousins in s'pore (:

headed home after that.

had satay&paratha fr iftaar.

i prayed & here i am now on the computer.

ohh, i have to start the habit of posting pics up, my blog is boring without 'em.

&MOUMEN IS SOOOOO DEADDD !!!!
ughh, stupid stupid stupid.

don't ask me why.

ARGHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
technically, 3 more days till i head off to s'pore.
so fast, aye ?

holy jeebers, mate...

i know you guys are gonna miss me (:

HAH, not.

please, i'm nt self-centered.

but, i'm sure gonna miss you guys !

&i have to mug fr my SOSE exams on monday.
tonight.

&i still have to pack.

i'm so disorganised.

imma start packing now.
cheers peeps !

;ohh, the glory of hate.

2008-09-18T17:12:00.001-07:00

ohh, the people of this damned world.

fck it.
im going right into it.

why do people have to be such bitches?
why do people have to lie?
why do people have to impress?
why do people have to fake it?
why do people think that only their way and point of view
is the only correct solution?
why can't everyone stop hating?
why do people jump to conclusion?
why do people have to not be modest?
why do people have to fight?

why?why?why?

heyy, people includes me too.
i'm sick of it.
everything.
the fights, the hate, the lies, the backstabbing.

is it not enough to appreciate what they have?
what's the point of fighting?
self-dignity?
i dnt think so.

people dont think about them-fcking-selves before talking bout others.
don't always think your the only one right.

pfft.
&people might come up with retorts on the comments.

i know.
that obviously, i've done wrong too.
but once i done wrong, i dont do it again.

but people nowadays.
know their mistakes, yet they do it again anyways.

i'm pretty sure i'm sorry
to every single wrong thing i did.
i admit.

afterlife.
that's where i'm wanting to head to.
&what i'm striving for.

what about you?

;tell me if all of this is nothing but a lie.

2008-09-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

you know when you feel uncertain of something?
it bothers you a lot in the long run.
contemplating whether it's true or false.
but you can never seem to figure out the exact answer.
draining all your energy never seems enough anymore.

remember, when we first started out?
we were perfect.
you were my heaven.
i was yours.
&then time caught up with us.
this few months
have been the greatest moments of my life.
i can't emphasise enough on how incredibly well
things were going between us two.

but now.
i feel a distance
though your standing close to me.
i feel confusion
when we touch.
it's not the same.
i don't know if you notice,
but i know i do.

someone please tell me that this is not happening...
that this is a nightmare.
because i'll never let this go.
but i can't find the words to tell you.

&i wish'd to be trapped here forever...

2008-09-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

BOOYAHH !

HEYY BAYBEHHS !

pfft. i think the fever's getting to me.
cool down, aliyah..

stayed home today no thanks to the fever. to my displeasure, daddy took me to the doctor's.
headed home straight after that.

a few hours on the computer. spent FOUR hours sleeping. then buka puasa.

nm happened.

let's rewind to my weekends, shall we ?

okay saturday.
skipped madrasah only coz my bby wasn't gonna be there. hurhurr. gi madrasah psl tu. ishhh.

okay, sunday.

spent 3/4 of the day at home. hakim's family came over with abg rizal & his 'rents. spent like an hour and a half there. headed to this wanerroo iftar community thing with them. nm happened.

i'm bored. i'm obsessed with this song:

pfft, i'll update when i've got sumthing to say.

;i'm uncertain
of how i feel about you..

;she's back to boybands.

2008-09-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

remember how Backstreet Boys used to storm the hearts of teenage girls everywhere ?

that was frikin cocky & gay in a way but.

move over.

Varsity Fanclub is coming to town !

my girly-girlness is overcoming me. sigh.

they're like...hot, sexy & talented. sure, they're mainstream but hey, every girl's got that stupid squealing fangirl somwhere.

check out Future Love [it's live, during rehearsels] :

&i'm struck with love [:

okay, back to reality.

Sunday morning.

woke up at 7.30. god knows why considering i slept at 2 last night, mugging for my science finals. i covered eight chapters. i've still got to more to cover till wednesday comes. luckily, i've bucked up a bit in science for this term.

i'm counting the hours till i'm off to s'pore. no one knows we're coming back for raya except one of my aunties.
i left my best cousin in suspicion, she was begging me to tell her. i refused; it was a surprise i said.

my mum's having a hard time keeping the secret. haha. i keep telling her to hold it whenever she's about to slip.

we're gonna have iftar at wannerroo. like, a community thingy. that's gonna be fun.

hmm, let's review my changes in music from the year 2005 (random.)

from pop [hilary duff&kelly clarkson] then mainstream rock[ashlee simpson] then alternative rock/metal[my chem&a7x] then punk rock[paramore] then mainstream rock[boys like girls] then r&b/hip-hop/pop[usher&chris brown] & now, everything.

okay, so i was pretty much dominated by rock.
&i sound cocky while listing them.

i'm so weird. yet i'm glad i don't like to "follow" other people. i always...kinda...do my own thing.

anyways, i've ran out of words to say. i'll update soon [:

&she wants to stay in her fantasies.
forever.

;she's gone for a week

2008-09-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

sent kak eella off to the airport the night before.

i'm gonna miss her ; my second cousin, my sister, my best friend, my gossiper, my helper, my advisor (:

she's headed to s'pore for a week for mid-sems hols & headed back here on Saturday to continue the semester.

well, i'll be on my own i guess, with the facets of life crashing down on me. sigh.

it's Saturday at midday & i'm stuck at home. skipped madrasah. watched movies. and now i'm on the computer.

holy jeebers, i'm suppose to be studying for my science finals on weds... i just can't get myself to it. plus, i'm not really set on the studying mode. i think i'll cram tonight, have some caffeine in me, & sleep at 3 in the morning.

for now, i'm blogging, listening to music & chatting to my best friend. well, he's my own personal entertainment ? haha, he's just damnn funny. creds to you, mo (:

i told him about my second weekend in a row at home, he's like

'you wanna come with me to play soccer ?'
'hell yeah !'
'come then !'
'i wish...'
'rofl'

hmm, i haven't read a book ever since Breaking Dawn... well, a friend borrowed something off the library for me, Leaving Poppy, it's...well, something different ?

in my perspective, the book's about this mentally stressed out young lady (her status due to her whiny half-sister and mother) running away from home to a rented out old house with a few college mates. & the room's she's living in is like haunted. well, it pretty much sums it up to a psychopath story i reckon.

abby probs just took that out for me to annoy me. either that or to tell me through a book that i'm just as psychotic as the protagonist.

i prefer to think of her motive as the first option, though, i reckon, the second option is much more realistic.

since, i'm awfully bored & everything, imma list the songs i've been craving :

1) Heart Ain't A Brain - Chris Brown
2) Told You So - Jesse McCartney
3) Just Dance - Lady GaGa
4) This Is How It Feels - The Veronicas
5) Moving Mountains - Usher
6) Summer Love/Set The Mood - Justin Timberlake
7) Menjaga Hati - Yovie & Nuno
8) Skyway Avenue- We The Kings
9) One Step At A Time - Jordin Sparks
10) Hot & Cold - Katy Perry

huhh...techno, pop, r&b, rock.

&you have just observed aliyah's awkward mixture of tastes in music.

alrighties, i'll blog when i've got somthing sensible to say.
i'll probs find a way to get out of the house somehow.

&come join me in this dream
filled with rainbows&unicorns.

;moderate&neutral

2008-09-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

hello again.

i've decided to let it go after my little remedy.

stuck in my room for 45 minutes, headphones on. forgetting everything. okay, yeahh, sounds psycho but it kinda works. i'm less worked up about everything now.

the hardest thing to do is forgetting the ones you love most, yet letting go, is the only way to get on with life.

i don't know how that makes sense, but it sure of a heck does.

how do i explain the uncertainty of my feelings ? it's like a switch that goes on & off alternating everyday. it's not like before, when we loved more than enough. &the doubts about your feelings fill my head. though, i'm sure, what we have is not worth throwing away...

but do we still have it ?

i've been doing awkwardly well in science. it hasn't always been my strong point in school. yet, physics is kinda my thing ? weirdd.

exams are in two weeks. though i doubt i'll be able to finish them since i have to fly back to my hometown.

OMG.
CHRIS BROWN CONCERT BAYYBEHH !
with rihanna.

I'M GOINGG !

okay, seriously, im like crapping right now.
i'll update when i have something sensible to say.

;a happy ending makes me cry
coz it ends when i don't want it too.

;oblivion

2008-09-08T06:07:00.000-07:00

i've had enough of the adrenaline rushes.

i feel sick, tired, pissed, upset & all these other feelings that are cooped up inside me. i do not wanna blast out. i've got no valid reason to do such a thing.

yes, i know i'm wrong. i've lost three people because of it. but, think about it ? it wasn't just me. i'm not saying i'm innocent. i wasn't. i was equally in the wrong. sorry doesn't cover it.

my only reason was that i was selfish...plain dead old selfish.

i wasn't thinking when i did what i did.

life is one heck of rollercoaster ride ehh ? &i don't like rollercoasters.

i'll get through this. somehow.

i want to go back to s'pore more now. i want to runaway from it all. even though, i know it's not a way to solve a problem. but, a little break won't hurt, will it ? my brain feels like it's gonna explode.

maybe it deserves to be exploded.

i've never thought i'd get myself in this shit. i don't even know how i did.

i'll be perfectly fine i guess.

;i'm prepared to take the highway
alone.

&ohh, i'm after the future.

2008-09-07T02:14:00.000-07:00

here's my Sunday&all the other rants (:

spent half the day at home. Woke up at 9, lugged in bed &the only labour i did after that was stare at the computer screen & move my fingers along the keyboard & clicking away. my life is a current bore. Nothing exciting seems to pop out anymore. i'm craving for adventure after relentless weeks of nothingness.

i'm heading back to S'pore on the 23rd. i'm spending the last week of puasa there & the first week of raya there. ohh, how eventful that will be. mann, how i wish this two weeks could swift past, i'm so desperate to go back. i'm missing the bustleness of the little island city. &of course, i'm missing my relatives there as well. since, i'm such a spoilt brat, i've started composing my shopping list when i get back (:

1)Nike AirForce
2)Baby-G Watch (neon coloured)
3)New IPod Cover
4)Converse Chuck Taylor's

that's so far it. &ohh, i NEED a haircut ! my hair's so friggin long, that i consider myself as a degraded rapunzel. well, if that makes sense. im going to miss exams, so i have to take them after i get back. bummer.

i'm not feeling jiwang or anything, but i can't stop listening to slow ballads, acoustics etc. lame laaaa.

talking about music, i might be getting an electric guitar+amp by the end of the year. (repeat: spoilt brat)
nothing fancy though. but if a Gibson and/or Fender comes my way, i'm all for it (:

well, obviously, my dad's the bank for it but he made a lame deal with me: play me a whole song 99% correct & you get your electric guitar.

ahas, me ? 99% accurate ? not gonna happen. but if its for another one of those babys, yeahh i guess a try wouldn't kill.

hmm, Guitar Hero III on Wii looks very tempting. i've tried playing it on PS2 before but that was Guitar Hero. boyy, i suck. but, it's frggin funn. i wanna get it.

okay, how many things did i say im getting/wanting in this single blog entry ?

mann, someone's greedy :p

oooo, Kak eella rented Prom Night & Sixth Sense out for me. i've been craving for horror/thriller flicks ever since the start of the second semester. weirdd.

okay, i'm gonna help out my mum in the kitchen for iftar.
(pfft, i'll probably be a disaster. i suck in kitchens)

&i guess the past means nothing now.

2008-09-06T05:19:00.000-07:00

the last 9 months has been a rollercoaster ride, up & down, round & round.

i can't believe it's September already. a good ol' year has passed since the last Ramadhan. though, reflecting back, i could compare the person i was the year before & the person now.

i've grown & matured in that span of time. it's amazing how time is running by quickly nowadays. i like to ponder on things lately...

some random&senseless. other times, logical&appropriate.

though, forgetting about the last months i spent is my remedy for you, it's a tragedy for me. it feels like i wasted all those moments, not knowing that i'd have to forget them all soon after. &the bond we held;its over &started again. but, if its the only way to weigh you back down, it wont hurt as much.

i spent the whole day at home today. madrasah's not on today, thanks to elections. go liberal ?
ahas.

i tried starting on my story...i didnt write one for ages. i reckon due to the limited time i have in between school, extra curriculums & my social life.

anyways, i haven't got a title for it yet. working title's The Demolition of Fear. sounds so melodramatic, but hey, just the kinda thing a drama queen names her story (:
ahas, nahh, it just came to my head.

i feel chocolate/coffee ice-cream...

i rmbrd something.

ever since zerosixzerofourzeroeight;

five months & counting, babes (:
iloveyou.
forever&always.

well, i'm off to find my ice-cream.

&she's taking a stride back.

2008-09-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

hellos (:

i'm finally back. so much happened. my blogger got blocked off. so sorry, for my readers.
you can check out my multiply for everything missed.

HAPPY FASTING !
kinda late, but whatever.

&two more weeks till i head back to Singapore for Eid.

life is currently harsh on me. yet again.

but hey, i'm surviving.

i dont really feel like blogging. so i'll post more later.

;expectations takes you beyond your wildest dreams

2008-08-11T04:11:00.000-07:00

life's been harsh on me.

i dont understand things. i cant even when i try. the pressure's still holding me down. life's a roller coaster ride & i feel like nauseating. anyone need a bad luck magnet ? im available. i have a whole lot of questions but no answers. sigh... i'll get through this. i hope.

i havent been having the best time indulging in disasters.
but that's about all i can indulge in.

life's a current bore minus the horrid twists & turns. i'm enjoying the fourth & final book in the Twilight Saga though, Breaking Dawn. &ohh, EDWARD CULLEN's mine(:

forever&always.
stuff bella. =P

cant wait for the movie either. 121208 seems like a long road away.

mann, i wanna change my blog skin. looks soo boring now. it takes me ages for me to find the one i like. that's why i delay changing it instead of wasting my time.

shyt, english NSW tmr. imma go now. pretty much speechless.

dont do this to me
why was i the last to know ?

;i'm holding on for eternity.

2008-08-06T05:18:00.000-07:00

i havent blogged since sat.

anyways, a lot has happened(yet again). am i a bad luck magnet or what ? so much pressure. i almost lost it. a little bit too private to mention. but in general, i almost broke off the relationship that i couldnt live without because of that. i'm lucky i didnt.

&here goes out to our four months together(&still counting). i really do owe it all to you. you changed everything. how'd you do it ? even though, i should get used to seeing you, you make my heart beat faster than usual&i get really bad butterflies. i cant live without you, so dont leave me. you're indescrible. no one ever made me feel this way except you.i love you(:

wow, i can get...mushy ?? hahas, well, yeahh i meant it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------//-----------------------------------------------------

school's a huge bore nowadays. nothing muchh happening. we're having science week next week & our posters are the most crappy. random note.

i can't stop listening to the whole E=MC2 album & Step Up 2 OST. weirdd. i'll probs change it to something else next week.

oooo yeahhs, HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE HAMKHA(:
hehehe, i almost forgot.

anyways...umm, lost of words. dunno what to say. update more soon(:

&he said, she said.

;forget about inquiétudes

2008-08-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY night yet again.
why do weekends fly by sooooooo fast ?
&the weekdays drag on...

anyways, went to madrasah, spent the first two periods doing normal thingys then after recess we had this arabic calligraphy painting thing. we had to trace it off the projector then after we had to paint it. i did mine with my CREW. hahas, nawww. just arinah, sarah, ira & me. ours was a mix of warm colours: maroony red, orange & goldish yellow with black for outlines. it looked okay like 2 metres AWAY but you could spot the stuff-ups if you look properly. we did that 'till the end of madrasah. it's gonna get auctioned off & the money goes off to funding & stuff.

after, went to send all the paintings to Imam Yusoff's house. Met up with Uncle Hamkha's family at Whitfords. umm, the adults were talking at the food court then me & my sis were mucking round, walking round the whole place. ummm, me & my sis & hadi & hakim went up to the cinema place & them two guys were playing with the arcade. & HADI WONNNN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahas, good for you(: &hakim, dnt be sad, u win MOST OF THE TIMES anyway(:

nothing much happened, went home after. i watched Step Up 2:The Streets myself on the com. COOLIOS MUCHH !!!!!! the dance routines were like TO THE MAXX AWESOME & the music. the storyline wasnt all that bad. optimistic ending though. now, i CANT stop listening to R&B/Hip-Hop music...*sigh*.

i keep changing depending on what's goin round in my life. from acoustic to rock to classical to now r&b/hip-hop. yes, my music tastes are full of variety.

ohh, one more thing, abang.....are you okayy ?? tadi mcm....sedih/stress...entahlah. but i feel that there's something wrong. tell me when you're comfortable. i can help(: (if you want to) doesnt mean i'm your adekk, i HAVE to be mean/annoying to you ALL the time =P

take my hand
;fly with me

;hypocrites&warlords

2008-07-30T05:32:00.000-07:00

felt evil.(^^^title^^^)

yeahh, sooo, sorry, a bit over-emotional/jumping-to-conclusions in the last entry bout the shoutout. stuff that.

i'm like currently obsessed with Thanx 4 Nothin' by Mariah Carey.
=)

anyways, school was per normal. we're doing knitting for the whole of term 3's art. bullshit larhh. i have no idea how many times i say bullshit today. probs 10 or 15. hehe. i'm sooo boredd.

ughh, i'm still tryna get The Take Over, The Break's Over (FOB) perfect on guitar. i soo suck at the verse. my fingers gotta move faster. soo suckish lahh (random). &i forgot what Ben taught me...like the bit where the verse comes into the chorus. whatever.

imma go now. boredd as hell.

;i watch as you fall
unable to grab your hand & save you.

;it's not a promise when you say it.

2008-07-29T02:39:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY.

a little bit of a shoutout to someone. i bloody cared (past tense) so muchh & i get bullshit back. &stop denying it. if you have other people that are more important, say it in my face. because, when you don't care, i dont think i care either. i only held on to you because i thought you meant so much in my life. &if you actually mention it, that would save me a lot of time that i can't get back caring for you so much. &i thought i actually meant something to you in return. i don't think i'll ever stop caring because i really don't know why but i wish i could. i'm just wasting my time. yeahh, i've heard you say good stuff bout me to other people;i appreciate that. but when you say something rude/mean in my face;that makes me forget every single nice comment you ever said. &you've said/done more bad things than good. i'm sick of the fact that i KNOW you dont care but i can't stop caring back. i'll shuddup, i'm repeating the same thing over & over.

anyways, i got the NSW maths done & over with. stupid tricky questions. it was so easy than it went hard. ughh. bhaminee's bein such a bitch & giving us maths homework every night & we have to do the explanations, mann, i miss tania now. imma shut it bout school. boring.

I WANT CHRIS BROWN'S NEW FULL-LENGTH ALBUM !
&it's coming out in '09. ughh.

oooo. can't wait for my new watch to come; i ask my auntie in s'pore to blanja me(:
reckon it's either fossil or swatch.

&i'm off to grab a bit;damnn hungry(:

;don't say the words
when you dont mean a thing.

forever;you&me on the dancefloor

2008-07-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

okay, monday evening.

listening to leaked unreleased tracks from Chris Brown's '09 album, "Graffiti". mmm, nice&sexy. RANDOM. anyways, let's rewind to sunday.

REWINDINGGGGGG & PLAY.
(sry, a bit hyper.)

umm, went to Cik Faridah's house for kenduri. cheyywahh, i was wearing my tudung & stuff. then, uncle hamkha & unce zainol's fam there too. mucked around in the streets in the dead night. that was awkwardly fun ? i forgot what i makan there though.hehe. My PSP got passed around by little girls & i'm just like "can i have it back now, please ?". i so do not want scratches on them or whatever. oooo, remembered something, hadi&ira got ALMOST caught out VERY VERY NEAR to each other, TWICE. then, the rest of them were like covering up for them. hah, this is sooooooo gonna annoy them. (&no, i'm not taking it off my blog =P) then, me&hakim got away with it everytime(: then blah, blah, blah & went home at 7.30. was there for like 3-4 hours.

sigh...i'm so boredd. i dont have any homework. ohh, dammit, Maths NSW tmr. whatever, calculator allowed. ohh yeahh, i didnt get angles in the first place (learning it now) then i was so lost in Maths class but i somehow managed to GET IT. i was messing round with my textbook and trying to go over my old notes to understand, &wow, it works. no one explained, coz i thought of going to Najat or something. that made me sooo happy (very retarded, so what?) ohh yeahh, I ROCKKK !

jamilah's scary sometimes when she gets all LESBO with me (note: she's STRAIGHT, ppl) i think it's coz she's been single for like so long. i seriously have to hook her up...she was like hugging me for like 5 minutes & putting her arm round my waist and going down. scary siak..

anyways, imma go now & drink RIBENA that i'm craving for(:

;i drew a new face&laughed.

&if you jump;i will jump too

2008-07-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

had a funnnn saturday. i sound so gay. whatever.

had madrasah as usual. we're doing arabic calligraphy;new subject. it's like coolios to the maxx. sarah & ira didn't come;just me &arinah, had fun talking bout random stuff though ? anyways, went to lakeside shopping centre with uncle hamkha's fam then we spent 3 hours there. had lunch and the parents were talking and stuff. us kids were like mucking round the whole shopping centre. omg, u know what. my sis so ruined the moment. she was telling hadi that i sometimes feel like hugging him. &he was like...well, all weird. then i was just like shyt. whatever. then quickly went to office works and bought last minute stationary. wanted to catch a movie but there were none good ones. so played around with the mini arcade in the cinema centre. hakim won hadi on the two times that they were racing. &hadi was being a sore loser, lol. went back to the car (we were all holding hands an making a long chain.)

they went to our house from 6-10. woahh, four hours;never noticed. we were just mucking around as usual. they spent half the time watching iron man though. after that, hadi was pretending to hug me ?
he does things i can never explain. messed around with the computer. hadi went on ebuddy & i went on MSN. haaha. did random stuff. yadaa yadaa. they went home & here i am now.

okay, i'll shuddup.

&i'm currently obsessed with We The Kings. random.

&i would die for you
;on skyway avenue

you & i both;details in the fabric

2008-07-24T04:52:00.000-07:00

okay, finished. i've finally really had my say. she's had it. i'm done. i said the truth & NOT my truth. that's a big difference. deny all she wants;it wont work. fine, she's got "her people" but. seriously. why ? why does she take this matter like a kid ? i confronted her, said my part. all she does is argue back on her behalf. i was expecting something mature, a compromise perharps. &no, i was not arguing back, i was promptly telling her what she did wrong. she denies. fine. lying her way to hell, in fact. okay, not my point. whatever. i'm done with this shit.

don't speak liar
;i've had my share of torn out days

skyway avenue's where i'm headed.

2008-07-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

title almost irrelevent. whatever.

just when i think i've had enough of it all;it all comes back to me. seriously, back in s'pore i had to deal with something almost too similiar to be a coincidence. so, it's me against the world ? it's not like i have a choice because if i try and get justice for myself; everything becomes more of a mess than it was before. all i do is...have my say, no one listens, everything becomes complicated, i put some sense in it, i clean up the whole thing, i get the blame. wow, do i have an exciting life or what ? &no, i only get invloved when it actually does involve me.

okay, it's great & everything that everyone thinks i'm some frikin supergirl to save all the complications & clean their mess up but...i'm not. i'm just a girl. &no, i cant handle it. i'm not asking people to pity me either. i want to be heard. to get my justice. to prove that i dont deserve the blame. yeahh, someone lies, becomes two-faced, boasts, backbites to me and other people and somehow it's my fault ? i get dragged into it for not saying anything and even if i admit the truth, the whole thing becomes chaos. see, i DO NOT have a choice. you know what, whatever. people take advantage of me. i'm used to it.

anyways, i'm still sick with the fever & no i dont feel emotionally well either. not that anyone gives a damn. yeahh, think whatever you want. i never complain till now because i've had too much.

talk later.

just when i think it's over
;it all comes crashing down again

&i'm adoring my blankets all over me.

2008-07-21T03:52:00.000-07:00

i'm sick with the flu. &it's the first day of school. ironic or what ? i might not be going tomorrow. i can't even feel my head or the floor. i'm all airy feeling. random muchh. &ohh, i got news that i got bullshitted at. even when im not at school. seriously, wth. whatever, i've got my patience on. u wanna bullshit, go straight ahead. &ohh, i didnt finish my hol homework.

&no, i really dont know what to say. i'll continue tomorrow or sumthing.

check ya outs ltr.